Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Wow - a shiny new blog!

Well, it's not completely shiny. I mean, I just deleted about four entries I made a year ago when I totally screwed my thoughts on eating even more and tried to live up to something I just couldn't do - not for a day, and especially not for a lifetime.

So I guess this is where I introduce myself. My name is Anna, and I've currently lost 11 lbs. Great, right? Yeah, except I need to lose another 112 lbs.

I wasn't always like this. I was never skinny, but until I got married when I was 19 and moved to the USA, I wasn't fat either. I was fine with my body - I had about five or ten pounds to lose, but I never let it bother me, and in general my weight was fine. I wore a size 10 - not skinny, but definately not huge either, and I was happy that way.

And then, as I said, I shook up my life. I got married, moved to the USA on a permanent basis, and became deeply unhappy. Not with my marriage, I love my husband and he's stuck with me through twelve years of getting fatter and fatter. But first the frustration of no green card - therefore no work, and the years of stress that not being able to contribute to the household income brought, and then a move and a pregnancy later I was 75 lbs overweight.

What happened after that? I'm not sure, but I'm pretty sure that my reasons for eating included "well I'm fat already, what's another cheeseburger going to hurt?" and "I'll start on Monday and work really hard and then it's like I didn't eat this pizza at all". Add to that a tendency to binge when I'm homesick, and that's another 40lbs. To take me to 291 lbs, and a size 22 pair of jeans.

Of course, there have been interludes of sanity. A few years ago I joined weight watchers at 273 lbs, and worked my way down to 237. In fact, I quit the meetings after two weeks because the leader was horrible (I didn't think you were supposed to laugh at people you were trying to help) and did all the work on the online part of the program. And then I gave up. Which is where the 291 lb starting weight came in - appparently I gave up in a much bigger way than I thought.

So what's different now? Well, for starters I have a husband that's 100% behind me. In the past he's felt guilty about me being on a diet and let me fall through the cracks. He knows I'm happiest when I'm scoffing down pizza, and he's wanted me to be happy. Well, six weeks ago I sat him down and told him what's really going to make me (and therefore both of us, since everyone knows the golden rule) happy, is losing this weight.

So that brings me to 11 pounds gone. I'm sitting at 280 right now - higher than my last start opint when I tried to lose weight but much more happy and confident. I've been limiting my caloric intake, drinking plenty of water (I've cut caffeine out of my life except for special occasions) and getting some excercise, which is pretty tough for a fat asthmatic girl like me.

There's nothing more embarrassing than being the fat girl huffing and puffing walking up the hill unless it's being the fat girl walking up the hill whose huffing and puffing turms into a full blown asthman attack. That's mortifying. So right now, I'm sticking to the indoor activity. Especially since it's cold out in Maryland right now. I've been using the "free step" function on the Wii Fit, and when I get up the nerve, I'm going to dig out some old exercise videos.

But it's not going to be enough to take me another 112 lbs. I've been reading some awesome blogs over the past few days, and I've been inspired to keep myself accountable by creating my own. I know there's a million of 'em out there, but this one's mine.


Lyn said...

Welcome to the Blogoshere :)

We are right there with you. You can do this! Never give up.

aperfectversionofmyself said...

Great job on the 11 pound loss! I found your blog through the Healthy You Challenge and I'm rooting for you! You can do this!