Monday, November 30, 2009


Yup - that was the sound of me this morning when I stepped on the scale and had a mysterious gain of nearly 3lbs. I feel lousy, I didn't sleep one bit last night and now for some reason I have an extra 3lbs that I didn't have before. I don't think I had that much sodium yesterday, and I definately didn't eat that badly, even though it was my "treat day". In fact, I added up everything I ate (since I still wrote it down) and it came to a little under 2300 calories. Definately not 3 lbs, so hopefully this will disappear as fast as it piled on.

Life this morning sucks. I had to be up at 6, and I have another hour before school starts. After school starts I have to go and do the weeks grocery shop, and then exercise. Luckily being up all night means that most of the housework is done, so then I can take a nap - one of the benefits of being uneployed - actually, the only one. I hate when the Ravens play night games - I get all excited - and it was an awesome game last night, and then I can't get to sleep. In the end, I got up about 2am and got some stuff done - better than just laying there. My poor hubby is at work with a little less than 4 hours of sleep today. Then Brownies tonight, and then bed.

Sunday, November 29, 2009


For some reason I feel totally defeated today - and I don't even really know why. I ate well yesterday, although I did save enough calories for a tiny slice of my neice's birthday cake last night - I had calories to spare and it was yummy.

I think it's because I just haven't been exercising properly the last week or so. I'm planning on starting again tomorrow aggressively - amazingly I'm not having a problem with the food thing, but the movement thing is getting me down. I feel like a slug because I haven't been moving. I think the cold I'm nursing isn't exactly helping the way I feel either.

So today I'm going to have a good time and watch football all day with my family, as is my usual Sunday treat. Tomorrow I've got a complete day planned out, starting out at 6am.

So here's to tomorrow!

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Weigh in day!

And I'm down another pound - with no idea how I managed it. As I said yesterday, my eating was in line, but my exercise was way off. Maybe next week I can make it even better, if I get up off my butt and get back to doing proper exercise. I can now go look at the discount turkeys in the grocery store and pick out a turkey that weighs what I've lost, and see if I can cram it into my freezer. We always do a traditional English christmas dinner while my parents are over, so that will do to feed us next month.

Good news today though - at 1pm I'll be officially done standing around boxes of Girl Scout cookies for the year. The temptation will be over - and I've budgetted two thin mints into my day to celebrate. Actually, I'm really pleased with how the Izlet has done her first ever year selling girl scout cookies. She's ususally painfully shy, and she really stepped up and became outgoing when she decided that she wanted to sell lots of cookies for her troop - I guess the lure of cool activites outweighs the shy. It's nice to see that she can do it.

Friday, November 27, 2009

I survived!

Both Thanksgiving dinner (in fact, I was so full I didn't even have the dessert I had carefully planned for!) and Wal Mart!

Actually, Wal Mart, even though it was packed, was a breeze. Everyone was in a good mood, and patient and calm, and all those poor people who worked there and had to stay there all night were pleasant and friendly. I got everything I needed - in fact, apart from something for my mother-in-law I've finished all my Christmas shopping. Definitely worth it.

So now I go to bed for a few hours, and then go sell cookies for a few hours with the Izlet tonight. We'll be done with that tomorrow, thank goodness. Did all my activities revolve around food this much before I started counting my calories? I've been really good though - I've only had 6 girl scout cookies this whole time - which since I had over 150 boxes in my living room at one point is pretty good.

I'm not sure whether I'm going to see a loss this week or not. I've been really good with the food, not so good with the exercise, and, well, not to put too fine a point on it, it's not exactly the week to expect a loss, but we'll see what happens tomorrow.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

So here's the first test! And so far I'm doing well - I'm having a super low cal day to save up for the evening meal at my in-law's house. I've made a list and plan on sticking to it for dinner, including the mac and cheese - it's a staple at my mother in law's dinners because it's so yummy, and I should be able to squeeze in a small piece of pumpkin pie and stay under 1600 calories for the day.

So that's the plan - I'll let you know tomorrow how it went, after I get back form the emergency room (hopefully just kidding). I'm going to Wal Mart for Black Friday for the very first time tomorrow, and I should be able to finish my Christmas shopping there and stay within budget if I'm lucky. I'm a little bit nervous though - I hear it can be a bit of a mad house, and being up at 3am really doesn't sound fabulous.

But I'm thankful this season. I'm thankful that we're still, by the skin of our teeth, in OK financial shape after the bashing that was the past year. Losing my job and then hubby being hit by a car was a major stress, but we're still here, and still fighting. I'm thankful for a daughter who has understood "we can't afford that" for the past year and hasn't complained once. I'm thankful that we still have a roof over our head, and I'm thankful that the financial stress hasn't seemed to put stress on our marriage, in fact, apart from the occasional heated exchange, we're probably closer than we were before.

So, it's been a tough year, but it hasn't been a bad year. There's a difference, and I'm thankful for that.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

A quickie this morning...

Since I'm off to the zoo with the Izlet today - I figure that way I'll definately get some walking in. I feel bad because the weather's been crappy and we've been cooped up at home with nowhere to go (except a fun outing to get a flu shot - poor kid).

Last night I found a coupon in her school fund raiser book for a free entry to the zoo with an adult. I looked up the cost for an adult and found that they do reduced entry on weekdays - so much so that it's actually cheaper than going anywhere else in Baltimore and just paying for parking, and much less stress than heading anywhere in DC - my hubby reminded me last night that since it's a travel day I probably don't want to go near the Washington Beltway, or I-95. So we're headed there - with a plan, I might add. I'm packing us both a healthy lunch - that way we don't have to pay $10 for a plate of chicken fingers that I'd have to spend a massive amount of calories eating anyway.

So that's the plan. A walk, some animals and a picnic lunch.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

HYC Check in Tuesday!

Today, I am much less stressed than I was yesterday. I'm really enjoying the HYC because it gives me a spot to sit back mid week and be proud of how far I've come, and plan for the future.

So - the good things:

- Losing 3.5lbs this week! I'm still amazed that it happened, but I'm also glad, because I know that I did deserve to lose some weight, and it happened. This whole thing where my body actually cooperates is new to me.

- I've been really good about my calorie counting - even those few times where I did find myself mindlessly shoving something into my mouth ("how did that cracker get there?") I've written it down and counted it.

- I've managed to do this for 8 weeks now! In a row, with no screwing up! OK, I'm not exactly following the strictest set of rules (calorie budget and exercise) but hey - it's working so far!

And now for the things I still have to work on:

- Exercise. I got next to no exercise this weekend and didn't actually do any yesterday. Actually I didn't get to do any yesterday because I heard about a free H1N1 Shot clinic for the Izlet, and that sort of took precedence over everything else. We got there, and she got the first of her two shots - yay! Every other clinic in our county had been cancelled until yesterday. But no excuses for the exercise today.

- As ever - eat more veggies! Why can't I just do this?

- I've got to learn to control my emotions without food. Even though I didn't use food to help me feel better on Sunday, I really need to learn to control the emotions.

So anyway - that's my week. Here's hoping everyone has an awesome thanksgiving, whether that means having an ultra lean meal or a wonderful time with their family and friends. Or, you know, both.

Monday, November 23, 2009

A whole new week

Back to the grind - actually no grind, just job hunting with an 8 year old hanging out with me all week - it's Thanksgiving vacation week so no school for the Izlet.

So food wise, my weekend was pretty much OK. Exercise wise, not so much. I didn't do anything. I'm going to psych myself up in a minute and go walk on my treadmill so at least I've done something today.

Right now I'm listening to some music to try and get the blahs to go away. Yesterday I had what can only be described as a complete meltdown, and I'm not exactly proud of myself. At least I didn't eat to make it go away, but I'm not entirely sure that 2 hours of hysterical tears is really any better. Today I'm just concentrating on getting a grip.

Trying to figure out where to take the Izlet when I get the car one day this week. My hubby has organized so that hopefully he can carpool with the guy who usually carpools with him so that I can have the car that works - I'm thinking about a Smithsonian trip and a trip on the Metro - we live so far out in the sticks that a trip on public transport is an organised treat - isn't that terrible?

Sunday, November 22, 2009

I'm so proud of myself!

I stuck to my plan last night, had an awesome, splurgy meal, and still kept to under 1750 calories for the day - more than I'm usually eating, but still under my max - yay!

Last night something else happened. Actually, two things. My wonderful sister in law, who is an absolute angel, told me that my face looked thinner, and my hasband told me that he's never seen me so comitted and, well, OK with the whole weight/ weight loss thing.

So all in all a happy night. And since I went grocrey shopping for the whole week yesterday, I've got meals planned for the whole week too. That means I'm in control, and I think the key to this is keeping a tight rein on myself, until I can be trusted (which who knows, may be never). I'm finding as long as I plan appropriately, I'm actually doing OK.

So here's to another week of doing OK!

Saturday, November 21, 2009

I love when I'm wrong...

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Yup - that's right! I actually lost 3.5 pounds last week. I'm now 16.5 pounds down from my starting weight, and I'm thrilled! I guess my body did finally give up those pounds this week that I felt I should have lost last week.

And in honor of my really awesome week, I'm going to announce my super-secret end of year goal. *Drum Roll* - I want to get to the 260's by the end of December. That's 6 lbs over the next nearly 6 weeks, so it's definitely something to aim for, but not too much.

In other news, I have a date with my husband tonight. He wants to go to Chili's, and since it's always been one of my favorite chain restaurants (and they have a super cheap menu deal going), I said yes. And then I looked up the nutrition info on their site. Did you know my favorite entree (honey chipotle chicken crispers) is nearly 2000 calories? That's not counting the southwestern egg rolls for an appetizer and any sticky, sugary mixed drinks - no wonder I'm huge! I've decided to go for a compromise tonight. I can't stand "diet" entrees in restaurants and we eat out so rarely anymore that I'm going to have another entree that I still love, but that's only about 1200 calories. No alcohol and only a bite of appetizer (with no dressing!) and I should get away pretty much bruised but OK. I'm actually amazed that I looked up the nutrition information, and that I've chosen a compromise rather than deciding that I'll just go for it and live with the consequences. Is this me actually changing? If so, I love it.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Planning time

I always feel better going into challenging situations with a plan, so it's about time I started thinking about a holiday eating plan.

Not so much for Thanksgiving, because I've never really been a fan. I'm a fan of the being thankful part, and definitely of the watching football all day part ( which I never really get to do because I'm expected to sit and look at sale ads with all the other women at my in-laws house), but it just seems so wrong eating a turkey dinner in November. I'm English, I never grew up with Thanksgiving and although I love the idea of having a day to count my blessings, I don't have that innate need to count my blessings with food. So I'll actually be able to stick to my calories Thanksgiving no problem.

Christmas is a whole other story though. I'd have to say that in the UK even more so than in the US, Christmas is celebrated with the over consumption of really good food. I remember from my childhood people putting money away every week from their paycheck to pay for the extra nice food they would eat over Christmas. My parents will be coming over and staying with us for a month this year, which I'm excited as anything about, but it also means I'm going to have to be pretty careful. For most of the month it shouldn't be too hard to stick to my plan, since my mum cooks healthier dinners than I do - in fact, it'll be a month of learning to cook much better for you food. My dad is diabetic and controls it with diet alone, so dinners that we all eat together should be no problem whatsoever.

My issues will be eating out (which we do rarely anymore because of the money situation but we'll be expected to at least a few times over the holidays) and Christmas week its self. I think I'm going to allow myself Christmas day and boxing day "off" and do the same with New Year's Eve. Every other day I'll stick to my calories. If I can maintain what I've lost over Christmas and New Year, I'll be happy. If I happen to lose any, I'll be ecstatic.

And what am I thankful for today? I've decided that today I'm going to focus on being thankful for my body. I can't hate my body because I've ruined it over the last few years. That's not my body's fault. In fact, my body has stood up pretty well to the abuse, and I'm grateful for that. I could have many more health problems than I currently have. If I'm going to move forward on this journey, I'm going to have to start loving it - and taking better care of it.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

The internet is my friend.

I've just been sitting here, trying to wake up and reminding my daughter she needs to wear socks and shoes to school (she forgets every single day - the child would live barefoot if she could), and thinking. The internet has payed a huge part in my weight loss efforts so far.

Let's put this politely - I'm broke. I have no job, I've been looking for one for over a year now, I have very few marketable skills (and no qualifications), and quite frankly, things on the money side suck right now. Especially since my husband has just been out of work for two months - he was hit by a car while crossing the street. He's back now, but we're still getting into the swing of things, and even though all those medical bills are being forwarded straight to our lawyer, I still worry when I see them.

The first time I (really) tried to lose weight I did weight watchers - mainly online because the leader at my local meetings seemed to have lost weight and gained bitchiness. I disliked how she was so rude to everyone - she reminded me of the "fat fighters" skit from Little Britain. Maybe I'll embed it if I can find it and figure out how. So anyway, I used WW online, which was an awesome resource.

This time, there is really no way I can pay for something to help me lose weight. If I don't own it already, I'm not buying it right now, and maybe that's a good way to do things anyway, seeing as I now have all the information I need just a google search away. I keep my food diary on paper, just because I prefer to, but if I so chose, I could use Sparkpeople for that. I can look up recipes that suit both my waistline and what I have on hand.

I can also use the internet for the mental part of my journey. I can put my thoughts out there and record my journey, and recieve awesome feedback from people who are reading. But more importantly there are a million weight loss blogs out there, and I believe that every single one can help me on my journey in one way or another - it's a resource I'm so grateful for. I'm not alone, even if I can't sit in a meeting room. That's the part I love. I love that I'm not alone, I'm connected to a million other people through blogs, people who I wouldn't even know if I passed them in the street, but people who are showing me the way and walking with me in my struggles. I wouldn't change that for the world.

So I guess this is the first of my series of "I'm thankful for" posts in the run up to thanksgiving. If you're reading this, I'm grateful to you. If you write a blog, I'm doubly grateful to you. Thanks for being awesome!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

A quick entry...

I have some unexpected neighbor kids over this morning, so I'll have to make this quick.

Yesterday, I went to a Chinese buffet. Yeah - I know - not the sort of place you generally go when you're trying to lose weight. Unfortunately I didn't have much choice - I meet up with some ex-colleagues for lunch every month or so and this was their choice. I could miss the food and my friends, or go and hold myself accountable. Before I went, I found out the calorie content of all my favorite foods - gotta love the internet - and made a rough plan that would use most of my calories for the day but not all of them. I ate according to that plan, and then just had a really really light dinner last night.

And guess what? I'm down 2 lbs this morning! My body is strange. I should be holding onto all kinds of water because of the Chinese food I had yesterday, and yet I actually weigh less. I give up - my body is a puzzle I'll never solve. Perhaps I should just keep at it and not analyze things too much. Here's hoping it lasts until the weekend, although it should, since all my food between now and then is nice and plannable.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

HYC Weekly round up

Well, this week I'm quite proud of myself on several counts:

I've stuck to my plan, even when faced with three hours in a bakery. A really really wonderful bakery.

I've stuck to my plan even when I've been down and discouraged. For me this is probably the hardest one. I was actually quite emotional all last week (and I still have no idea why) but I didn't self-medicate with food.

I got in more exercise than I had in any week prior to this. Again, quite an achievement, since I sometimes find it hard to get up and moving.

I'm feeling like I've got some of my eating issues under at least temporary control.

Of course, as always, there are things I need to work on:

More veggies! I think this one is going to be on my list forever, although I'm getting better, it's still a very slow process.

Even more exercise! Really, it's not going to kill me.

I need to come up with an effective plan for Christmas, when my parents will be staying with me for a month.

Find some real "me" time. It's tough when there really isn't a spare cent to spend, but I'm sure I can figure something out.

All in all, last week was a successful week, even if it didn't actually feel like it, or reflect on the scale. One more week along a long road, but I'm on that road, and that feels good.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Note to self.

Three cans of diet coke and a cup of coffee when you haven't had caffeine in 5 weeks will keep you up until 2am. Of course, it will also be the day before you're watching the kids from down the street and you have to be up at 6.15.

My plan today didn't include sleep, but I'm exhausted. If I'm still exhausted after I get the kids off to school (another hour yet) and then exercise and go grocery shopping, I'm giving myself permission to go back to bed until school bus time, but the other stuff absolutely has to be done first.

I actually tracked my calories yesterday evening, just to see what my "super high" day was. I then figured out my Weight Watchers points, just for kicks, to see how my day is measuring up to when I was doing WW. Yesterday I ate the equivalent of my daily points plus half the flex allowance - much better than I thought since I actually ate more yesterday than I have on Sundays past. I figured that on a usual day I'm eating slightly less then what would be my points allowance on WW, so it actually adds up to the same thing, except I'm not doing that thing at the end of the day where I run around looking for things to "make up" points like I did when I was on WW. That was definately something that wasn't good for me - I found myself eating less and less at meals just so that I could justify eating stuff that quite frankly, triggered binges. You can guess how well that worked. WW was great until I lost control and justified things that I really shouldn't have justified. It definately works, it's just not for me this time (besides being unemployed and totally unable to afford it).

Oh, and after Saturday's scale woes, I weighed myself this morning after yesterday's couch potato fest and I'm actually down another pound. Go figure. Hopefully it stays away until next Saturday, and if it could take some of it's buddies with it, that would be good to.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

I came sooo close... screwing up yesterday, just because I was down about varous things, but I'm really glad to say that I didn't. In fact, I ended the night by spending three hours in a local bakery/coffee shop and didn't even want anything, even though I had allotted myself the calories to have something small.

Which made me think a little bit. What, to me, is screwing up? I'd have to say binging - eating without control because the food is there, or in some cases, even when it's not there - I have been known to take a trip to the store intentionally to come home and sit and stuff my face. That's one thing that's really a big deal to me, because that's where I've always lost control before.

So yesterday when I was stomping around the kitchen, just looking at everything that was there, I took a deep breath and regained some control. In fact, I mentally shook myself - the point of eating too much because I didn't lose as much weight as I felt I should have and because I was in a terrible mood already began to seem absolutely absurd to me. What kind of idiot am I if I eat more because I didn't lose weight? What kind of insane logic is that?

So I wrote down my plan for the day, and I stuck to it, and even got some unplanned exercise in, and this morning I'm really glad I did, because now it's Sunday and because I've stuck to my plan all week, I get to have a bagel and cream cheese with a huge mug of coffee for breakfast, and I plan to do something yummy with the goat's cheese I've been saving for lunch. But mostly I'm glad I stuck to it because it means I know I can. And the next time I feel the need to lose control, I'll know I got through it once before, and maybe, just maybe it'll be easier.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

I need to hire someone...

To follow me around telling me that half a pound loss is much better then nothing, and absolutely fantastic compared to a gain.

I'm disappointed. I know I shouldn't be, but I'm disapointed because I had the best week so far food and exercise wise, but the worst week loss wise. I'm an instant gratification kinda gal (as should be obivious from my weight) and not seeing results immediately really gets me down. Especially knowing that in the whole history of dieting, my body has never done the cute-fake you-out-thing where you don't lose one week and lose a ton the next.

Oh well, it's done and it's time to move on - next week is a whole new week.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Not much to report....

But I swore I'd blog every day - bear with me - this is going to be a boring one.

My biggest challenge of the day is trying to figure out how I'm going to eat today. Tonight we have my daughter's elementary school bongo fundraiser. We go every year because it's tons of fun, and always fun to spend a cheap night with friends, but my problem is that it starts at 6.15 pm, and as far as food goes, they have pizza, sandwiches from Chick-Fil-a and a bake sale.

Ordinarily I'd just plan to have a slice of pizza and count the caories and move on, except I know myself. I can't do that. I'd be scarfing down half of my daughter's pizza and then looking for the bake sale by 7. I think this year what I'm going to do is make myself an early dinner so that I show up at this thing full and happy. I'm going to factor in enough leeway for me to have enough calories left for a snack after we get home, if I feel I need it. We'll see how that goes.

Other than that, I'm retaining water like crazy today. I drank a ton of water yesterday but (TMI) I barely went to the bathroom for some reason. This morning the scale confirmed what I thought - I'm carrying at least two extra pounds of water around. I'm frustrated because I've eaten really well all week, exercised more than usual and I'm sitting at a higher weight. I know sore muscles can retain water but I don't really think that I'm that sore. It's not "that time of the month" so who knows. I'm just hoping that the water comes off before tomorrow's official weigh in. I really don't want to post a gain, especially when I don't deserve it.

Thursday, November 12, 2009


I know - really inspiring blog title for the day, huh? But yesterday was a bit of a turning point for me, so I'm leaving the title as that.

So when left you yesterday, I was getting ready to work out and then go on a walking field trip with my daughter. Well, I got ten minutes into my workout and the phone rang. Apparently kids can't walk around outside in the rain anymore in case they all melt or something (in spite of the rainwear we were told to send them to school in), so the field trip was cancelled. I finished my workout, and then sat down at the computer.

After about half an hour, I realized that I was bored. I was sitting at the computer, screwing around with half an eye on the TV (one of my worst habits - I can't just sit down and watch TV, I have to be doing something else too) and I got a little bit down that I wasn't going to be going out today like I had planned.

I ahd some laundry to do, so I wandered downstairs to get that done. As I walked past my long abandoned (and slightly despised) treadmill I had an idea. I threw the laundry into the washer and wheeled the treadmill back into it's former spot in front of the TV down there. I plugged it in and started walking. I figured this would be easier since I didn't have to do a whole half hour - I had already worked out, so this was bonus. I sailed through 35 minutes. I jumped off the treadmill, and as I was putting it away (my daughter uses the space to practice gymnastics and bounce around, so I can't leave it out anymore) I saw my exercise ball. My sad, deflated exercise ball.

I rummaged around in the storage area of our basement for a pump. Any kind of pump. In the end the only pump I could find was one of those roadside air compressor things you use when you've got a flat tire. You know, the one that you plug into the cigarette lighter, ensuring that by the time you're done you have both a flat tire and a flat battery. So I took that outside to the car, and sat in the car to inflate the exercise ball. Yes, I felt a little silly (why is it that my neighbors only ever wave hi when I'm doing something strange?) but I ended up with an inflated exercise ball, which I then took upstrairs and bounced around on for a while. I even (gasp) did some exercises on it.

So yesterday ended up being filled with positive action, even though I didn't exactly feel positive at the time.

On that note, a fellow blogger wrote a post that realy touched me yesterday - and was exactly what I was talking about yesterday, but in a much more together and cohesive way. In fact, it sort of made me cry a little. In a good way, of course. In an "I'm really glad I'm not alone" sort of way. Anyway, it's here. While you're there, check the whole blog out - it's awesome.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Another day, another issue...

I got the message for sure last night that 90% or this losing weight thing is in my head.

At some point yesterday afternoon I began to get really depressed about doing this. Was it because I went over on calories? No. Was it because I didn't exercise? No. Water? Got enough of that. I was totally and completely sticking to my plan yesterday when the big monster jumped into my living room and whispered in my ear.

Wanna know what he whispered? He said "you can't do it". That's it. Four little words that occurred to me at about 3pm yesterday and made me mopey and miserable all night, and if I'm being totally honest, I'm still a bit mopey this morning, even though the little monster sisn't make me eat more.

I've done nothing to deserve this feeling of failure, so why am I getting it? What kind of sick brain do I have that tells me I'm failing when I'm doing perfectly fine? Although I will admit, past evidence is all on the side of the sick brain.

So this morning I got up determined not to listen to the negative self talk. I'm going to exercise, and then chaperone my daughter's school on a walking field trip to the local grocery store (because she's obviously never been there before). I was going to skip exercising because there'll be enough exercise doing the field trip, but I figure I can do both and be extra good. I've planned my food for the day, and the little bad thought monster can just bite me!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Back on Track

Feeling much better this morning - in fact, I'm sitting here writing this so that the second Iz leaves for school in half an hour I can get straight to working out.

I ended up eating a few things last night once my stomach settled, but my calories were still waaaay low yesterday. Like, I think I managed 450 calories for the entire day, and now I'm worried that it's going to throw my metabolism off and screw up all my hard work for this week. But as my husband said last night, you can't help being sick, and even if I do end up with a stuck scale this week, it'll come off eventually if you just keep at it. Sometime's he's so sensible it makes me sick.

So the plan today is to work out, and figure out how many calories are in the meal my daughter requested for dinner - quiche, italian bread and salad. I make a pretty lean quiche and I hate salad dressing, so actually it shouldn't be too bad. Oh, and get some laundry done, since I totally slacked off yesterday and didn't get anything done.

Monday, November 9, 2009

HYC Weekly round up

I've decided to use the HYC over at Scale Junkie to gather my thoughts on the week that's just passed.

Good things:

I've stuck with this for 6 weeks now! Which considering my usual amount of willpower is pretty much a miracle.

I'm still actually losing weight - again a miracle. I'm used to stalling out and then getting upset and giving up.

I'm managing my calorie intake OK.

I'm doing exercise! thanks to the Wii fit that lets me start slow (and step while I watch TV) I've been getting movement into my life. I know I'm not running marathons yet, but hey, baby steps.

Things I need to work on:

Quality of food. I'm staying within my calorie limits, but it could be a bit more veggie filled. Just sayin'.

Staying positive. I need to work on not second guessing every choice I make, I need to trust myself a bit more.

There's always room for more exercise!

I've got to stop weighing myself seventeen thousand times a day. It's like I don't trust that I'm really losing weight, so I have to keep proving it to myself. I've got to stop it! I'm challenging myself to twice a day from now on. If I can manage that all week, then next week I put the scale away for the week and only look on Saturday.

How many calories do you burn...

While laying on the sofa groaning?

I've got whatever my lovely daughter had on Saturday. It involves feeling like I have to throw up even though I haven't eaten anything and can't go beyond a sip of water every half hour or so. Yuck.

I had such great plans for today, too. I went to bed last night all inspired to add some stuff to my workout and with a great eating plan. Until about midnight when even thinking the words "eating plan" caused my stomach to turn over, that is.

Oh well, if it's what Iz had, it's a 24 hour thing. I should be fine by tomorrow.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

It's Sunday!

I'll let you into a little secret of mine. I take Sundays off.

Well, not really off, but Sunday is the day I allow myself more calories and don't even intend to do the slightest bit of exercise - especially during football season. I find that if I really start wanting something unreasonable during the week, I tell myself I can wait until Sunday. Nine times out of ten, I forget that I ever wanted it. If, by Sunday I'm still desperate for it, I go ahead and have some. In a planned way. Like today I'm having pancakes for breakfast, because I've been desperate for them all week. Last week I had a croissant from the local bakery, because I swear they're the most awesome food ever invented.

I figure that I can't tell myself no to stuff like that for the two years (at least) that I'm going to be doing this. I can't make it a "bad" thing, but I can wait and see if it's something I just want right that very minute, or it's something I can wait for - and really really savor once I get, and that's what Sundays are for. No bingeing, all planned, but just a little bit of planned decadence. And football, because I really can't live without holding the couch down all afternoon and yelling for my Ravens.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Woohoo! and, well, not so woohoo

I managed to pull out a last minute 1 lb loss to take me into the 270's! I'm pretty pleased with that, since as I said yesterday, I peeked at the scale and I thought I wasn't going to go down at all last week.

Not so woohoo: My daughter has been throwing up all night. she was fine selling cookies, but about an hour after she got home, she got sick. Now I have to figure out what to do today - there's no way she's going anywhere this weekend.

I've been working on my NaNoWriMo project, and I'm up over 12k words, and I've run out of steam. I'm going to put in some serious time this weekend to try and get it back on track. Right now I'm just writing as I go along, and it's well, not very interesting.

So - stuff to work on this next week:

Drink plenty of water
Exercise at least 4 times
Stick with the eating plan

I think I can manage that. If I do, I'll make the list longer next week. I hope I can manage that!

Friday, November 6, 2009

A nowhere week - or why I should stop peeking.

I have to report that I peeked at the scale this morning and in it's infinite wisdom it told me that I hadn't lost anything. Stupid scale. Well, my official weigh in day isn't until tomorrow, so perhaps it'll give me a little bit of love tomorrow.

I also have to report that I tried on my jeans last night. They were pretty tight, but they fit enough that I could throw on some cute boots and a large sweater and take the Izlet to her gymnastics class in them. Good thing too because it was totally freezing last night.

I'm going to have to suck it up and wear them again tonight, too. I'm spending four hours outside a KFC selling Girl Scout cookies with the Izlet. Exactly what I want to do with my friday night - hang out at a fast food restaurant selling sugar. At least all the boxes she sold door to door are out of the house now. For a while there my living room looked like a bakery warehouse.

I also have to report that we've had girl scout cookies in the house for two weeks now and I have eaten *drum roll* a grand total of six! Six cookies, that is, not six boxes. The Izlet and my husband are helping me out in this endeavor by eating them all for me, you see. They're so good to me.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Counting my blessings.

Last night, I was totally bemoaning the fact that everyone else, when they first go on a diet, loses a ton of weight in the first week. Of all the diets I've tried, I've never ever had that happen to me. I've always wanted that huge rush of a really big loss on scale day.

And then I started reading around some weight loss blogs. I realised that I'm not exactly unique, and not only that, seeing as I've lost 11 lbs steadily over the last 5 weeks I'm actually not in a bad situation at all. Especially since I haven't been feeling very deprived. In fact, that's the reason I've been weighing myself every single day. Yes, and I'll admit it, sometimes more than once a day. Too much of this and I'm going to have to revoke my scale priveleges. It's just that I can't believe I'm actually losing weight. I haven't lost enough yet for it to be noticable, but every time I step on the scale I get the reminder that I've actually made something happen. Only a very small something, but something nonetheless.

Another blessing? My husband is 100% behind me. In fact, he's my biggest cheerleader at the moment. He's the one that talks things through with me when I'm wanting to eat everything in the world. He's the one who calmly reminds me that I just can't have everything I want, and that if I eat too much during the day I'll end up with a really sucky dinner. He's the one who reminds me that if I work hard at it, the weight will come off, but that noone ever said it was going to be easy. I think that's the biggest change - in the past, he didn't want to hurt my feelings so he sort of pretended it was none of his business. This time I've made sure to tell him that I need his support, and he's actually giving it!

Oh, and an admission. I'm still wearing capris, even when it was 40 degrees outside last night (I must look really interesting with capris and a huge coat on) Wanna know why? I'm pretty sure I don't fit into last winters jeans. I've yet to get the courage up to find out how much more I have to lose to fit into them. I guess that's my goal for today - go and at least try them on. I don't know exactly how they're going to fit but I do know that I was mighty glad when summer arrived last year and I didn't have to wear them anymore.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Healthy You Challenge

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

So I've lost 11 pounds, and I've found a really cool challenge over at - boy do I love that name - since lately I've been quite a bit of a scale junkie myself.

Wow - a shiny new blog!

Well, it's not completely shiny. I mean, I just deleted about four entries I made a year ago when I totally screwed my thoughts on eating even more and tried to live up to something I just couldn't do - not for a day, and especially not for a lifetime.

So I guess this is where I introduce myself. My name is Anna, and I've currently lost 11 lbs. Great, right? Yeah, except I need to lose another 112 lbs.

I wasn't always like this. I was never skinny, but until I got married when I was 19 and moved to the USA, I wasn't fat either. I was fine with my body - I had about five or ten pounds to lose, but I never let it bother me, and in general my weight was fine. I wore a size 10 - not skinny, but definately not huge either, and I was happy that way.

And then, as I said, I shook up my life. I got married, moved to the USA on a permanent basis, and became deeply unhappy. Not with my marriage, I love my husband and he's stuck with me through twelve years of getting fatter and fatter. But first the frustration of no green card - therefore no work, and the years of stress that not being able to contribute to the household income brought, and then a move and a pregnancy later I was 75 lbs overweight.

What happened after that? I'm not sure, but I'm pretty sure that my reasons for eating included "well I'm fat already, what's another cheeseburger going to hurt?" and "I'll start on Monday and work really hard and then it's like I didn't eat this pizza at all". Add to that a tendency to binge when I'm homesick, and that's another 40lbs. To take me to 291 lbs, and a size 22 pair of jeans.

Of course, there have been interludes of sanity. A few years ago I joined weight watchers at 273 lbs, and worked my way down to 237. In fact, I quit the meetings after two weeks because the leader was horrible (I didn't think you were supposed to laugh at people you were trying to help) and did all the work on the online part of the program. And then I gave up. Which is where the 291 lb starting weight came in - appparently I gave up in a much bigger way than I thought.

So what's different now? Well, for starters I have a husband that's 100% behind me. In the past he's felt guilty about me being on a diet and let me fall through the cracks. He knows I'm happiest when I'm scoffing down pizza, and he's wanted me to be happy. Well, six weeks ago I sat him down and told him what's really going to make me (and therefore both of us, since everyone knows the golden rule) happy, is losing this weight.

So that brings me to 11 pounds gone. I'm sitting at 280 right now - higher than my last start opint when I tried to lose weight but much more happy and confident. I've been limiting my caloric intake, drinking plenty of water (I've cut caffeine out of my life except for special occasions) and getting some excercise, which is pretty tough for a fat asthmatic girl like me.

There's nothing more embarrassing than being the fat girl huffing and puffing walking up the hill unless it's being the fat girl walking up the hill whose huffing and puffing turms into a full blown asthman attack. That's mortifying. So right now, I'm sticking to the indoor activity. Especially since it's cold out in Maryland right now. I've been using the "free step" function on the Wii Fit, and when I get up the nerve, I'm going to dig out some old exercise videos.

But it's not going to be enough to take me another 112 lbs. I've been reading some awesome blogs over the past few days, and I've been inspired to keep myself accountable by creating my own. I know there's a million of 'em out there, but this one's mine.