Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Not a very interesting post...

But if I waited until I had something interesting to post I'd never do it.

I'm still on track.

Yup - that's about as interesting as it gets right now.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

It's HYC Tuesday!

And for the first time in months, I'm looking forward to writing this post.

I'm 100% back on track again. That is, back on track for me. I've definitely come to the conclusion that I'm a "slow and steady wins the race" sort of a gal. I know that if I went hog wild I could probably lose this weight all in one go, in a comparatively short time, even. But I'm not that kind of person. I dropped 25 lbs and then stuck around there for a while. Now I'm back on track and on my way to dropping another 25 lbs. I'm actually having fun this way. I'm gradually changing the way I eat, and gradually doing more exercise, but I'm really not one of those people that can go all gung ho and change their lives in one go.

There's a reason this blog is called "a single step". About a year before I actually started writing here, I registered the name in preparation for doing just that - taking one single, giant step and changing my life. I read all kinds of books - and boy are there some crackpot weight loss/ lifestyle books out there. I geared myself up to start, and then I realized that however great I might feel after I was done with this ordeal, I'm really not the right person to change my life with a snap of my fingers and live differently forever. I just couldn't do it. It wasn't me, and pretending to be anything but me makes me miserable. Plus I just can't stand self-help books.

So, when I at last came to my senses and gave away every single one of those stupid self-help books, I didn't think I'd be using this blog. Not that I wouldn't be doing anything for my health, I just couldn't think in terms of that one great leap anymore. And then I was ready - ready to start. You have to be ready - I don't think there's a weight loss blogger out there who doesn't know that. Everything else is just empty promises. So I started, and I thought once again about blogging. I looked at my empty (well, there was one post there) blog. I deleted the post, and I got blogging. And I found that I am a "single step" kind of person - I'm a single small step at a time kind of person. I have to be ready to take the next step, and I think between Christmas and now I wasn't ready. I know - it's terrible to wait so long between steps, but I'm happy. I'm making it work my way, which might not be everyone's way, but I'm happy. And I'm ready, and I'm losing again. I fully intend to lose 25 more pounds and then chill out for a while, until I'm ready to lose the next 25. Hopefully it won't be so long next time, but hey - who knows?

Monday, March 15, 2010

Top 3 reasons I feel like an idiot...

And why it's a good thing.

1) I got within three miles of the dealership Friday, all geared up for a fight. Then the light on the dash went out. I got to the dealership, and of course, they weren't prepared to look at anything. But you know what? It was probably a good thing, because they were going to ask me for $100 - fully refundable, of course, if it was their fault. Mmmmhhhm. So I'll give you money, and then you'll tell me if it's your fault or not. I may not be the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree, but I'm pretty sure I know how that's going to go. So now I've got a new plan. After some asking around, I've found a friend of a friend's garage who will look at the ABS sensor for free. Free is much cheaper than $100.

2) I ended up (though all kinds of a weird day) eating horribly on Friday. My old boss (who I love) called me and asked me to meet him at a Chinese buffet place for lunch, since he had some really good gossip to impart. So I went, and I ate. I didn't eat horribly, but I didn't eat great either. Then on Friday night I watched my friend's kids for a while (so she could do us a huge favor). She, in return, took us all to Pizza Hut so we could spend the kid's reading awards, and Chris and I ended up sharing some of a pizza between us. Yup - eating out twice in a day. The good thing? I felt so nasty by the end of the day I've been good ever since.

3) I was all geared up to go Ice Skating with the Brownies yesterday. We drove an hour to the ice rink, and then waited around (with about 100 other Girl Scouts) were told that the person who booked the event (a fundraiser) had screwed up, and the rink was double booked - with a hockey tournament. So now I get to drive there again next weekend. How was this a good thing? A bunch of us who carpooled ended up taking the kids to Chuck E. Cheese for a while, which meant we got to hang out and talk, and I got to know some of Iz's friend's moms a litle better - we ended up talking and laughing for a good two hours. Oh, and because it was Chick E. Cheese, I wasn't tempted to eat anything. Their food is horrible.

So, the weekend was a bust as far as plans go, but actually turned out pretty good. Maybe I should stop being so upset when plans don't work out.

Oh, and the best part of the weekend? Formula 1 is back! Awesome race in Bahrain - can't wait for australia in 2 weeks :)

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Weigh in!

And I dropped 3 lbs this week! It's so nice having a reliable scale that weighs me the same if I step on it twice in a row, even if it does say I weigh more than the old scale.

More tomorrow, since I'm about to go watch the Grand Prix, and then I'm giong Ice Skating with a bunch of six and seven year olds. Should be fun - I wonder which one of us will break something?

Friday, March 12, 2010

Lets get today over with...

As quickly as possible.

So Chibi's idea (see yesterday) worked awesomely. In fact so awesomely I'm doing it again today. With one small difference. Because I'm headed to camp out at the Ford dealership today, I'm taking my lunch with me - since I really don't know how long I'll be.

OK, I'm going to get political. I don't get political often, and I know I have readers who probably won't like it, but I have to vent a little. I was looking through the news when I came across this story: School cancels prom over lesbian date. For some reason I can't get it out of my head. It's totally making my blood boil that a school would want to victimize a kid like that - we didn't have proms when I was at school, and I went to an all girls school anyway, but I can only imagine the effort and emotion tied up in a school prom. What kills me most about the article is the line at the bottom - that she was told when she asked a teacher what she should do she was told to "remember where she was". Really? Is that what we're teaching our kids these days? That if you live somewhere without civil liberties it's better not to upset the status quo and live miserably?

OK, rant over, and I promise I won't do that again for a while.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

A victory of sorts

The victory? I didn't use my stress and general crappy mood yesterday as an excuse to eat. I used it as a reason to do what I was doing and make sure I succeeded - I can't control other people's bad behavior, much as I would love to shake some people until their teeth rattle. I can control my behavior, and I did, so yay!

Another yay? I'm using Chibi's awesome idea today. She posted in my comments that instead of letting myself roam around the kitchen on my short school days, I should pack myself a lunch instead. So I did. It's even sitting in a lunch box (because I'm weird, I know) on my computer desk. And so far so good. I've not wandered into the kitchen after breakfast to see if there are any magic foods that "it wouldn't hurt too much" to eat. So far so good.

Now I just need a magic knowledge solution - I have three mid-terms next week, and a bunch of girl scouts to take ice skating on Sunday. So I've got the morning today, tomorrow and Saturday to study (as well as keep everyone's life together, make dinner, do laundry and all the other million things I do).

Oh, and tomorrow morning will be spent at the Ford dealership again - it seems in performing the work for the recall that needed to be done, they've screwed something up. They're idiots. I've spent all week online gathering official documentation to support my claim that they're idiots (I've actually found stuff from Ford that confirms my suspicions that they have no clue what they were supposed to be doing - it's amazing when a simple google search can show up more information from Ford than a Ford dealership apparently knows), and I intend to tell them in thorough detail tomorrow morning exactly why they're idiots. Good thing I've been desperate to go off on someone - anyone - all week, it's like I've been saving it all up for them. It might not help, but I'm at least going to try and get them to fix their mistake. So there.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010


Not at the eating thing - I had a perfect day yesterday, and today is one of my easy long days at school.

The think I'm irritated about is a personal thing - you know how some people just take advantage of you, even after you've said no more than once? That's what I'm dealing with this morning. This is the one person in my life that has made me learn to stand up and say no when I need to (Iz's friends mom) and now she's just not even taking that for an answer anymore. So now I've rearranged my morning to suit her needs - I'm pretty pissed.

But I have a plan! I'm not going to get upset and eat because of it! At least, that's the plan - I'll let you know tomorrow what happens.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

HYC Check in Tuesday!

And I'm proud of myself! Yesterday was perfect - I just need to string about another 500 days like that together and life will be great!

OK, back to reality - yesterday really was perfect, but I'm trying not to think about the other 500 days. I've got my plan for today and I'm sticking with it, and that's all I need to think about right now. Of course, today is the test - it's easy to eat well when you've got an insanely busy day and you had to plan food out anyway. Today is the day I have one class, and that's not until 2. I have all morning at home, and home is where the bad habits are. Luckily it's also where the Wii Fit is, so that's the plan - less bad habits, more wii fit. Hopefully in another week or so enough snow will have melted that I can actually go for a nice walk in the sping sunshine.

So there it is - I'm started again, and I happy about it.

Monday, March 8, 2010

The numbers.

The numbers are not fabulous. On Sunday morning I weighed myself and decided that instead of the 20 lb goal I have I need to shoot for a 25lb goal this time.

It might be a combination of the weight I've gained and the new scale I got because the old one was telling me I was a totally different weight every time I stepped on it, but I weighed in on Sunday at 275.6lbs. Ouch. that stung, because I really thought the whole time I'd been lapsed about my eating and everything that I hadn't gained too much weight. Of course, the old scale helped me in my fantasies - I knew that if I stood a certain way on it, it would record my weight on the low end of the range of crazy weights it would throw at me. Not this new scale. It's, well it's brutally honest, and apparently that's what I need.

So back to square one. Well, not quite as bad as square one, but definitely not where I had been.

I'm ready to do this again. And my goal this time is 250. Baby steps.

On the plus side my size 18 jeans still fit me - as do the new size 18 jeans I got from a Lee promotion the other day - a contest on Facebook I entered way back in December. That's 2 pairs of jeans! It's like independent verification that I at least did something right in the last few months, because I'm not right back where I started.

I've also decided to change my weigh in day - it's now Sunday, which should keep me fairly honest on Saturdays. Sundays are my "do what you want" day, but eventually that will change too. I'm just not ready to give that up yet (and actually I've never been particularly crazy with food on Sundays anyway).

So there it is - the horrible, naked truth. Hopefully by next week I'll be headed in the right direction again.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

The next step - carrying on.

So the responses I got from my last post totally made me cry. In a good way, though. This week, having been slightly more stable, has definately been better. On saturday my plan is to weigh in, record it as my new starting weight, and then get going on losing the next 20 lbs. I figure if I concentrate on 20lbs I can do it. How many times have I looked at someone who only has 20lbs to lose and said "I wish I only had 20lbs to lose!". So now I do.

School work is definatley a totally new thing here - I like to keep up with everything, because I know if I leave it, I'll be screwed later on. I've also learned, thanks to the snow and Iz's extreme cabin fever, that trying to do school work with an 8 year old around is pretty futile, unless you really like reading the same sentence of a textbook over and over again for hours at a time while either listening to the Disney channel on TV or sending her to go play elsewhere and wondering what the ominous thumps coming from upstairs are. So I've been trying to spend as much time during the week when I'm not in class working while no one else is home. I hate to admit it, but I'm really really enjoying it so far - it's the ultimate "me time".

I've also found that far from the worry I had about school making me eat badly, the days I'm at school all day I'm actually eating much better than the days I'm home - I pack myself a lunch and don't carry cash, so what I've got with me is all I eat. I'm actually thinking of going in early the two days I only have afternoon classes so that I'm not wondering around the kitchen aimlessly. I'm also still debating on the school gym. It's free and all, but it's also full of buff 19 year old boys fresh from their high school football teams. I'm probably not ready for that yet. I've been wishing that the school would set up some kind of on campus "curves" - a womens only room would be awesome.

So it's off to do my Spanish homework. It's the only class giving me trouble - in the other classes I'm taking (Anthrolpology, Sociology and History) I can use my general knowledge and a little studying to get a good grade. I'm the only person in my Spanish class who never took Spanish in high school though, so I'm automatically behind the curve there. Most people are just going through the motions so they can fulfil the gen ed requirements for graduation. I'm actually learning Spanish for the first time ever. It's probably good for me, but I swear, for the first time ever in school I feel like I'm a little out of my depth. I'm keeping up so far but only because I'm working at it. I guess it's good practice for the math class I have to take next semester.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Let's try this again, and again.

So I'm a horrible person. It's been 20 days since I last blogged, and those 20 days were days I should have blogged more than any other time.

Things have fallen apart a little bit at the moment here. Starting school and dealing with schedules has been stressful, but even more stressful for Chris has been dealing with the notion that he's going to be the sole financial support for our family for a while. It's not like it's new - seeing as I haven't had a job in 18 months, but I think it's starting to sink in that if I'm at school full time, the best I can hope for is a weekend job somewhere.

Not to mention that our car gave up last week. Specifically it came to a halt about 20 minutes into my ride home from school in the nasty ice cold rain last Monday. In the middle of an intersection. Thankfully I had our AAA card (since I drove the really unreliable vehicle, I'm the one who gets to keep it in my purse) and I got it towed home. This time it was the alternator (which made it really scary when the car gave up in the middle of the intersection - I couldn't put the flashers on, I couldn't wind down the window to wave people past - nothing!). Since the transmission already needed rebuilding, and there was a slow coolant leak that no one could seem to track down, we decided that we may as well put the same money we'd put into fixing it into a new (to us) car. Unfortunately that money was all that was in our savings account. We're feeling a little vulnerable right now. Actually we're feeling a lot vulnerable right now, but the option was financing (and another monthly payment we can't afford if Chris gets laid off) or clearing the savings account.

So last week was spent at used car dealerships. Used car dealerships make me want to scratch my eyes out. Or at least someones eyes out. I told Chris going in that I wasn't going to say a word. I'm not a good deal maker when it comes to stuff like that, and I find draining our entire savings account in one go just too depressing for words. We eventually narrowed it down to two cars, a Pontiac Grand Am that we couldn't afford but really liked, and a mini van that we could afford, but heck - a mini van? We have one child. I really never imagined myself driving a mini van, but since it was the one we could actually afford (after Chris did his manly thing and bargained the price down by $1000), I'm now driving a mini van. I'm going to have to find some kids soccer club decals to go on it. Iz thinks it's awesome - we went from the three of us riding around on the front (only) seat of Chris' truck (because it was the only dependable car we had, and last week it was the only working car we had) to her having the choice of 5 seats.

So, my eating habits. Well, they haven't been good. At all. Although I've managed to only put on 5 pounds, I've totally got out of the habit of even attempting to eat properly. One thing I've noticed though is that my stomach is totally rebelling at all the crap food I've been eating. I've had horrible heartburn, stomach cramps, everything. Of course, it hasn't been enough to actually send me back to eating properly, but hey, at least my body recognises good food now.

So today I start again. I've packed my lunch, I've written a shopping list (to be done somewhere in between school and Brownies tonight) and I've decided that the stomach cramps, the feeling crappy and the weight really aren't worth it. Time to get back on track. Properly.

On the happy side of things, we took Iz snow tubing a few weeks ago. Actually, Chris had to persuade me that I wasn't too heavy to go snow tubing (and 20 pounds ago I probably would have been), but once I got there I had a blast. That was what really sealed the deal for me. If I want to keep having fun with Iz, I really have to lose some more weight. Of course, them the week from hell came along, so now I'm actually getting around to doing something about it.

Monday, February 8, 2010

It snowed!

And snowed and snowed and snowed and - well, you get the idea.

I know that everyone north of Maryland is laughing at me right now, but I've seriously never seen this much snow - the picture above was taken well before the snow stopped, when we had to dig an area for our dog to go outside. The most snow I ever saw growing up in the UK was about 6 inches. I've lived here for 12 years now, but still nothing quite like this.
I have to say that I've also let all the disruption disrupt my routine. I've had next to no exercise, since this snow wasn't the light, cute fluffy snow we had before Christmas I couldn't even shovel it. In fact, shovelling was enough to give my super fit and only slightly asthmatic husband an asthma attack too. I've been holed up in the house. I've been baking cookies to keep Iz amused, since she can only stand an hour outside in the snow at a time. I've been trying to catch up on the school work I've missed through cancelled classes. It's hard to read textbooks at home, because there's always something better to go do. Like, erm, blogging. And filing my taxes (done!) and filling out my FAFSA for next year (done!) and cleaning the house (done!). The only thing I'm left with is laundry, and since it's way further down on my list than school work, I'm down to school work.
So I've been bad. I've not gone hugely over my calories, but I also haven't exactly been strict in planning and eating properly either. No exercise. No real urge to do anything good, either. I'm back to just not feeling it - need some inspiration back. I'll be back tomorrow with an HYC post that I can actually commit whole heartedly to.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010


Didn't sleep last night because I was stressed about the snow. I had classes all day and a kid whose school closes at the merest mention of snow.

I got lucky - they were both delayed two hours so I got to all my classes and got Iz and her little friends to school. It's supposed to snow again Friday, so I'm really glad I have no classes then.

I ate OK today. I'm actually headed to bed in a minute, since I've got another insane day tomorrow - class then taking a bunch of Brownies to see Disney on Ice. I'll be so glad if it snows hard on Friday and I don't have to do a thing all weekend.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

HYC Check in Tuesday!

So here I am, and I have to say I'm pretty proud of myself - I've regained control this week. I've stuck to my goals, and even though I gained a pound at weigh in on Saturday I really know that I deserved much worse the last few weeks (when I'd actually had losses). I'm actually not so bothered about the gain - The control is far more important to me anymore.

I'm back on track. It may not be a super fast track, but it's a track. What do I want to do this week?

I want to continue blogging every day. It helps me sort out my goals and follow my plans.

I want to make sure I'm drinking enough water. That's been a bit iffy the last few days.

I want to get into a good exercise routine again. I've exercised, but not in a routine kind of way. Now I have a brand new weekly routine, I need to fit regular exercise into it.

I want to cut my calories down to 1750 a day for the week.

So - four more goals for this week. Let's see how I do.

Monday, February 1, 2010


So I survived. One thing about being super insanely busy all day was that I've eaten wonderfully - I didn't have time to do otherwise. Tomorrow is much more chilled out, I only have afternoon classes, so I'll have the morning to exercise and clean up the house, which looks like I've been away for a month.

Oh, and I'm going to sleep great tonight - 24 insanely wired small children made sure of that.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Ready, set.....

I've packed my school bag (OK, so I unearthed an ancient bag I could throw my books in), I've figured out what I'm wearing tomorrow, and what I'm packing tomorrow, and even what I'm eating for breakfast tomorrow, and I've even taken a bath to try and calm myself down because I'm keyed up beyond belief. Why? It could only be the night before school starts. I feel like I'm 10 years old again.

I've been so worked up today I've actually forgotten about being hungry. Sunday is usually my day of diet rest - the day I don't count calories but just try not to go insane, but today I've actually managed to eat less than when I was trying to eat less all last week.

I'd write more, but I'm busy pacing around the house. Does pacing count as exercise?

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Double ouch...

I gained a pound this week. I'm pretty much figuring this is one of the several I should have gained last week when I screwed up, since my body has been known to do screwy things like that. I'm taking it as the slap in the face I need to really keep at it. It's also nowhere near as bad as I deserve for how things have been lately - it's way too soon to start seeing results from my new routine from HYC on Tuesday.

I'll be spending my afternoon running around with a bunch of little ones, since we have a Brownie outing today. It should keep my mind off food, although I think I'm going to need to budget some calories for alcohol when I'm done. We've got another one coming up on Thursday, too - the kids sold the most cookies out of any troop in the county so they're all getting free tickets to Disney on Ice on Thursday. It's going to be a blast - busy, crazy, but a blast - definately something I'm looking forward to, since the kids are so excited about it. Add a brownie meeting in on Monday and I've got my hands full for the week - college and small children are going to make me incredibly tired by Friday.

I'm also going to have to figure out some time for exercise this week. I'm guessing I can find somewhere to take a walk in the general area of the college, so I might just wear comfy shoes and do that on Monday and Wednesday - at least I'll be moving. If I can't find anywhere to walk I'll be breaking out the Wii Fit between school and Brownies.

So that's that. A Gain, but I'll get over it. I know that if I stick to my HYC plan I'll see results at some point.

Friday, January 29, 2010


I just got my butt kicked in an unofficial family sit up contest.

Who came in first? My 8 year old who managed thirty without missing a beat and then looked at me like "is that all?" and proceeded to do 20 push ups.

Second was my hubby, who managed 20 with lots of effort. Slightly weird since he's the super fit guy - at least, he used to be. He got hit by a car while he was crossing the street this past August and has really lost a lot of his physical conditioning - he was out of work for nearly three months.

I managed *drum roll* 11. Don't laugh - 11 is actually 6 more than I thought I'd do. I've been doing lots of walking as exercise, but not really any exercises, as such. It's time to break out the Wii fit and play the section I've been avoiding since we bought it - the strength training section.

So yes, I exercised today. I walked, and I took part in the sit up contest - yeah, I know, not really exercise, but every little helps. And now I'm considering breaking out the wii, just because I'm curious as to how much pain I can inflict on myself. I've also opened a new excel page and logged our sit up progress - it'll be fun to see if I can catch up with the rest of the family soon.

I've eaten well today. I've stuck to my plan, even though this week my plan has been to deal with the munchies - I've allowed myself 2000 calories a day this week because I just can't deal with being drastic right now. Next week's HYC will involve moving down to 1700, I think.

I went out and bought some lunch solutions for next week to try out. Calorie controlled portions. We'll see how I do.

And this is me blogging! That's four days in a row! Three more and I'll call this week a success.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Just squeezing in...

It's 9pm, not my usual time for blogging but I did promise myself I'd blog every day so here I am.

I've been too busy to wander around aimlessly looking in the cupboards today, so my food intake has been OK.

I'm here, blogging, so that's two.

I walked for about 25 minutes today. It was exercise, but not exactly like I had planned. At least I was exercise I guess.

I've decided I'm definately going to do a larger breakfast thing at least on the days I have school. I've done it the last two days and I've actually eaten better and been less insanely hungry at lunchtime.

I know, not much to report today. Something struck me yesterday though, as I compiled a list of classes I have to take at some point in the future.

Phys Ed is one of them. I'm going to die. Now I know how the kids who hated PE in high school felt. I always liked it then, because although I wasn't the sportiest kid in the world I liked to play games and do exercises, but now it's going to be a completely different proposition. Hopefully it's a lot more theory than practice, but looking at the class description it's very, erm, energetic looking. Guess I'd really better get working on this losing weight and getting fit thing, huh? Yeah, I know. I'm the only person in the world trying to get fit for a fitness class. I suck. If we had a cleaning service I'd be the one obsessively polishing before they showed up every week, too. It's a sickness, I tell you.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Woohoo! Two days in a row!

Yup - I'm here again, fulfilling the easiest of my weekly goals - boring you all to death on a daily basis.

So today, in order to figure out what Im doing next week and the many weeks afterwards as far as lunch going, I'm eating a heavier breakfast, with a lighter lunch and an afternoon snack. So far I'm loveing this plan, but only because it's 10.50 am and I'm totally full from a huge breakfast. Lets see if I still love it when dinner time rolls around and I'm gnawing on my hair just to stay sane.

So there you go - food is planned (and I stuck to my plan yesterday - yay!) blog is blogged, lunches are being figured, and when I'm done typing this, exercise will be done.

And speaking of exercise, I got my daughter the "Just Dance" game for the Wii this Christmas. Well, she unwrapped it, I plan to play it as much as her. But since I've been playing it, I've realized something - it makes my arms hurt like crazy. If you don't know what the game is, you basically follow the dancer on screen doing all kinds of fabulous 80's dance moves, and they score you by using the controller you're holding in your hand. So of course, all the actions are insanely arm movement heavy. One thing I've learned is that all the walking in the world is doing nothing for my arm stength, which is apparently stuck at "weaker than a kitten" level. Maybe that'll be a goal for next week....

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

HYC Check in Tuesday!

And one very important update - as of yesterday (and two seperate trips over to the college because their online registration was down), I am a full time student! I'm so excited! Classes start next monday, so I'll actually be busy and not be sitting at home dwelling on my life (or lack of it).

And now on to the less exciting HYC stuff.

I lost two pounds last week. I'd be excited about that but I know that I totally didn't deserve it. My eating hasn't been in control for a lot of time lately and I just didn't seem to find time for any exercise other than pacing back and forth stressing about stuff. It's time to start over.

So, my aims for the next week?

1) Control my food intake!
2) Get some exercise - anything!
3) Figure out some lunch ideas. The college has a cafeteria with a fairly wide menu, but I'm thinking I've probably spent enough money at the bookstore already that I need to pack lunches. I might even start eating a bigger breakfast (since I have more time in the mornings) and a small lunch and a snack for the ride home.
4) Blog every day. I know I'm boring as hack at the moment, but blogging helps me stay on track. And I promise it'll get more interesting.

OK - four easy things, right?

So today:

I've eaten well. My food is planned, and so far I've stuck to it.
I've walked for 45 minutes.
I've considered the fact that I'm going to need to figure lunch out at least two days a week for the foreseeable future.
I'm here and blogging.
So yay! So far so good. Six more days to go.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Where have I been?

Well, lets just say it's all rather exciting.

I might (big might) be able to go to college. Just community college for the first two years, but the plan is falling into place and the eventual plan is to transfer to another local university and finally get a degree. I spent yesterday down at my local community college finding out about financial aid (not much, but some) and what other pieces of paper they need to get me the money I'm entitled to. Today I have the harder task - finding the rest of the money I need to pay for classes. I have to move fast because most classes for this semester are already full. I don't need to go through the whole initial registration process since I've already taken a few credit classes there before. I do, however, have to figure out how to declare a major (social work) and figure out how to pay for the large part the government won't shell out for.

Talk about happy and busy! Only problem is, if this plan doesn't work out, then I'm going to be really really disappointed. When I was 18 I had the decision of going home to the UK and going to uni or staying here and getting married. I made the decision to stay here and get married, and although I'm always sure I made the right decision, I've spent twelve years wishing I could have done both. We've never had the finances in place to feel secure enough for me to go to school, and, well, we still don't, but as my husband put it last night, I'm not bringing any money in now, and since I've been looking for a job for over a year and not had any success why don't we work on a future where I might be able to do something meaningful instead of answer phones all day?

So now I'm a woman on a mission. It's actually pretty good for me, since I'll admit I'm intimidated by the whole college (especially college financing) process. It's good for me to step out of my comfort zone, and boy, if this all works out, I'll get the rewards.

Phew! So that's the whirlwind that has been my life since Tuesday. Pretty cool though, huh?

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

I'm almost scared... HYC Time

That is, I'm almost scared to post. The last few times I've written a blog post about how I'm doing OK, I've then gone and screwed up within a few hours. I feel like I jinx myself every time I post that things are going well.

I weighed in on Sunday (since I forgot to on Saturday). I'm still where I was before. Standing still wasn't part of this plan, and especially standing still because I haven't worked hard enough to lose anything!

It's been hard to get properly back on track since my parents left. There, I've said it. I've been good at half heartedly getting with the program, but to be brually honest, I'm not going to get anywhere if I continue carrying on like last week. This week so far I've been better, but lets face it, it's only Tuesday.

Yesterday was awesome - since Iz and Chris were off, we decided to go bowling and we all had a blast. I ate great, because I wasn't bored and I was happy. But I'm not always going to be busy and happy. In fact, days where I'm both busy and happy are few and far between. Today, I've been busy, but I've also been stuck at home since Chris accidentally ran off with my car key. There are a few things I need to get but since the stores I need to get to are over 10 miles away I'm doubting that I could walk it and still be in time to get Iz off the bus. On top of that, I seem to have pulled a muscle in my butt. No, I have no idea how I did it either but I can really feel it pulling whenever I go up or down stairs.

So far, this week has been awesome. I hope to report next Tuesday that I've made it a whole week (and a bit) sticking to my plan. Oh, and I'd love to report a loss, too :)

Friday, January 15, 2010

Ho hum...

It's another day. Another day on the super long journey that is getting rid of all the nasty funk under my skin. It's one of those days where the journey feels insanely long because, well, because I don't have much else to do. Being unemployed sucks.

So what have I done with my day so far? I've reorganised my kitchen, and dinner is in the crock pot. I may as well get myself a big skirt, an apron and some sensible shoes.

I think I've kicked the munchies that have been plagueing me since Christmas. I was able to get away with it while my parents were here, but no more. Yesterday I was perfect. Well, noone's perfect, but I ate really well. I went grocery shopping and managed to get a ton of groceries for not so much money.

So I should cheer up right? I guess that's what I'll work on next.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Back on track... hopefully

OK so yesterday was a food disaster. I planned out what I'd eat carefully, and then totally disregarded my plan - but yesterday is gone and there nothing I can do about it. I'm back with a new plan this morning, and since I'm feeling better I'm much more likely to stay on track.

Life wise, yesterday was pretty much blah. I got a few things done - things I could do while I stayed home, and then I just sort of flopped on the couch and did nothing. I've got to go out today though,hubby has a viewing to attend tonight and I need to find him some pants that actually fit. Oh, and I need to go grocery shopping. I'm going to try and find some hot options for lunch - I think if I prepare a hot lunch I might have a better time staying on track through the afternoon, especially while it's so cold out. I'm going to check out the Progresso soups - I'm not a huge soup fan but maybe I could work on changing that if I can find a few varieties that look good (and have a low calorie count). It also might help me up my veggie intake, because since my mother left my veggie intake has dropped dramatically again. Thats' a habit I really need to work on.

So that's the plan. Now lets see if I can stick with it.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

And then it all fell apart again...

So last night I went to bed with swollen glands and a sore throat. This morning I woke up with a full blown cold. I think I have the man flu. You know, not really the flu but I could swear I'm about to keel over any minute now. All I want to do is sit on the couch, play around on the internet, and maybe put the TV on later.

You'd think this would make me want to not eat anything, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong. When I'm sick, unless it involves thowing up, I comfort eat like crazy. Luckily the dinner I have planned tonight is really low cal, so I have some leeway today.

The plan today was to get some mega exercise, get some things crossed off my to do list and generally be running around all day. It's not going to happen. I may get as far as curled up on the couch.

I hate when plans get ruined. I hate even more that if I really sucked it up, I could still get some stuff done, but since it's not desperately important it gets done today, I'll end up procrastinating. I'm being pathetic, but I don't see myself getting it together today.

So pathetic it is.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

I'm officially back!

My parents left last night. Yes, there were some tears - it's always difficult for me to realize that I'm probably never going to live in England again.

But you know what? I was planning to have this day as a transition - to ease back into my way of doing things after so many days of doing everything everyone else's way. I don't need it. The first thing I did was to get up and plan out my calories for the day. Now I'm blogging. After Iz leaves for school there will be exercise. I actually like my routine - much more than I thought I did. I really thought it would be hell to start counting my calories again - not that I've eaten excessively, but just because it's a new level of strict that I didn't have for the last month. I'm actually excited about it. I've not even weighed myself - every time I've stepped on the scale it's told me I'm holding steady, so I'll weigh in like usual on Saturday and start updating from there again. I'm actually less bothered about losing weight at the moment - it'll happen if I stick to what I've been doing - no need to obsess about the numbers on the scale. I was planning a day of mourning for my food freedom, and I'm actually more excited about regaining the control.

What's the reason for that last change? There are two. First, I have a lovely new pair of jeans that are size 18 - with no "W" behind it! The W is significant to me. I know it's supposed to stand for "woman" but to me when I pick it up off the shelf it always stands for "wide" as is - "wide load". I know it's not much but it's a start - proof that my body is changing and that I don't have to flip out over every half pound lost.

Second was the discussion I had with my hubby last night. We were talking about how good my breathing has been in the super cold weather we've had lately. That's usually one of my biggest asthma triggers - going from cold air to a heated room or vice versa. This year it hasn't been a problem, and we've been well under freezing temps here for a few weeks now. Usually when the weather gets like this I have a horrible time, but this year I've done everything I've tried to without a problem. I couldn't figure out why, but then my hubby pointed out that the pounds I've lost and the exercise I've been doing have probably been helping my body deal with things that used to be a challenge. It's working - I have proof it's working, now I've just got to trust myself and my body. I'm not very good at that.

I think I was flipping out over every half pound lost because I didn't trust my body to respond appropriately to diet and exercise because of all those half-assed tries before. I've proven that it's responding, so now the scale truly is for once a week. I don't have to have evidence every half hour anymore.

So - trust is my new watch word.

Oh, and the New Years resolution - going surprisingly well. I've yet to have a proper flip-out about anything - and this is from someone who lost her car key last night in a bunch of snow in someone else's yard. My hubby was right - I did flip out about small things way too much. I've just got to trust that I can do the right thing in a sticky situation and that I can adapt when things don't go my way. Again with the trust - apparently it's my word of the new decade....

Monday, January 4, 2010

Another quick check in...

I promise I haven't given up blogging - it's just going to be hard to find ten minutes to myself until next Monday... the house is crowded and I'm not exactly good at blogging about my innermost feelings when someone's reading over my shoulder.

Still plugging along - my food intake today so far has been much more in line with how I should be eating, so I guess Christmas and New Years really is over.

As far as my one single solitary resolution, so far so good on that today, even though the last few days have been stressful, things that should have sent me into stress orbit are actually not bothering me so much. I even managed to not freak out at not sleeping well last night and having an early start this morning.

More later - I have to get Iz from the bus stop and then continue entertaining!

Friday, January 1, 2010

Happy New Year!

Usually I'm not one for New Years celebrations, but for some reason this year I'm happy about the idea of a fresh start - more to continue what I started and the hard work I've been doing since September.

I even have a New Years Resolution this year. I'm quite excited about it, because I've never really done that before, either.

It is:

Live in the moment.

Yup, that's it. The whole resolution in three words. To most people it sounds simple, but it's not something I'm good at doing. I'm always too worried about making things more perfect, or worrying about what's supposed to come next. In the past, I've ruined whole weekends over what might happen at work on Monday. I've ruined whole vacations worrying about feeling sad about having to leave. I've ruined birthdays by not enjoying what was going on, but worrying that I'm not making the day perfect enough.

I think that's half of what's made me so fat. I've not enjoyed what I've eaten because I've been more worried about what I'm going to eat next. I know people say half the joy is in anticipation, but for me the bit I have to work on is enjoying what I have. Instead of lying in bed worrying about what I have to do tomorrow or (my favorite) worrying about how tired I'm going to feel the next day because of the sleep I'm losing worrying about how tired I'm going to be, I've been trying to just enjoy the sensation of lying in a warm comfy bed. Instead of worrying about what's going to happen tomorrow, I have to learn to savor what's going on. I really think that if I can crack this, I'll have a lot easier time controlling my eating, as well as the rest of my life.

So that's the resolution.

Oh, and just for kicks I weighed myself to see what the damage is for these last few weeks. There is none. Well, there is none yet - I've given myself until the end of this weekend to do what I want, within reason. I was shocked, but thinking about it I've been moving a lot, and not eating quite as badly as I once would have. Sure I could have probably lost a few extra pounds in the last 10 days, but I didn't do any damage either. So I'm starting the new year with exactly 100 pounds to lose, having lost 23.5 - I wonder what next year's total will be? I'm excited to find out!