Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Not a very interesting post...

But if I waited until I had something interesting to post I'd never do it.

I'm still on track.

Yup - that's about as interesting as it gets right now.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

It's HYC Tuesday!

And for the first time in months, I'm looking forward to writing this post.

I'm 100% back on track again. That is, back on track for me. I've definitely come to the conclusion that I'm a "slow and steady wins the race" sort of a gal. I know that if I went hog wild I could probably lose this weight all in one go, in a comparatively short time, even. But I'm not that kind of person. I dropped 25 lbs and then stuck around there for a while. Now I'm back on track and on my way to dropping another 25 lbs. I'm actually having fun this way. I'm gradually changing the way I eat, and gradually doing more exercise, but I'm really not one of those people that can go all gung ho and change their lives in one go.

There's a reason this blog is called "a single step". About a year before I actually started writing here, I registered the name in preparation for doing just that - taking one single, giant step and changing my life. I read all kinds of books - and boy are there some crackpot weight loss/ lifestyle books out there. I geared myself up to start, and then I realized that however great I might feel after I was done with this ordeal, I'm really not the right person to change my life with a snap of my fingers and live differently forever. I just couldn't do it. It wasn't me, and pretending to be anything but me makes me miserable. Plus I just can't stand self-help books.

So, when I at last came to my senses and gave away every single one of those stupid self-help books, I didn't think I'd be using this blog. Not that I wouldn't be doing anything for my health, I just couldn't think in terms of that one great leap anymore. And then I was ready - ready to start. You have to be ready - I don't think there's a weight loss blogger out there who doesn't know that. Everything else is just empty promises. So I started, and I thought once again about blogging. I looked at my empty (well, there was one post there) blog. I deleted the post, and I got blogging. And I found that I am a "single step" kind of person - I'm a single small step at a time kind of person. I have to be ready to take the next step, and I think between Christmas and now I wasn't ready. I know - it's terrible to wait so long between steps, but I'm happy. I'm making it work my way, which might not be everyone's way, but I'm happy. And I'm ready, and I'm losing again. I fully intend to lose 25 more pounds and then chill out for a while, until I'm ready to lose the next 25. Hopefully it won't be so long next time, but hey - who knows?

Monday, March 15, 2010

Top 3 reasons I feel like an idiot...

And why it's a good thing.

1) I got within three miles of the dealership Friday, all geared up for a fight. Then the light on the dash went out. I got to the dealership, and of course, they weren't prepared to look at anything. But you know what? It was probably a good thing, because they were going to ask me for $100 - fully refundable, of course, if it was their fault. Mmmmhhhm. So I'll give you money, and then you'll tell me if it's your fault or not. I may not be the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree, but I'm pretty sure I know how that's going to go. So now I've got a new plan. After some asking around, I've found a friend of a friend's garage who will look at the ABS sensor for free. Free is much cheaper than $100.

2) I ended up (though all kinds of a weird day) eating horribly on Friday. My old boss (who I love) called me and asked me to meet him at a Chinese buffet place for lunch, since he had some really good gossip to impart. So I went, and I ate. I didn't eat horribly, but I didn't eat great either. Then on Friday night I watched my friend's kids for a while (so she could do us a huge favor). She, in return, took us all to Pizza Hut so we could spend the kid's reading awards, and Chris and I ended up sharing some of a pizza between us. Yup - eating out twice in a day. The good thing? I felt so nasty by the end of the day I've been good ever since.

3) I was all geared up to go Ice Skating with the Brownies yesterday. We drove an hour to the ice rink, and then waited around (with about 100 other Girl Scouts) were told that the person who booked the event (a fundraiser) had screwed up, and the rink was double booked - with a hockey tournament. So now I get to drive there again next weekend. How was this a good thing? A bunch of us who carpooled ended up taking the kids to Chuck E. Cheese for a while, which meant we got to hang out and talk, and I got to know some of Iz's friend's moms a litle better - we ended up talking and laughing for a good two hours. Oh, and because it was Chick E. Cheese, I wasn't tempted to eat anything. Their food is horrible.

So, the weekend was a bust as far as plans go, but actually turned out pretty good. Maybe I should stop being so upset when plans don't work out.

Oh, and the best part of the weekend? Formula 1 is back! Awesome race in Bahrain - can't wait for australia in 2 weeks :)

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Weigh in!

And I dropped 3 lbs this week! It's so nice having a reliable scale that weighs me the same if I step on it twice in a row, even if it does say I weigh more than the old scale.

More tomorrow, since I'm about to go watch the Grand Prix, and then I'm giong Ice Skating with a bunch of six and seven year olds. Should be fun - I wonder which one of us will break something?

Friday, March 12, 2010

Lets get today over with...

As quickly as possible.

So Chibi's idea (see yesterday) worked awesomely. In fact so awesomely I'm doing it again today. With one small difference. Because I'm headed to camp out at the Ford dealership today, I'm taking my lunch with me - since I really don't know how long I'll be.

OK, I'm going to get political. I don't get political often, and I know I have readers who probably won't like it, but I have to vent a little. I was looking through the news when I came across this story: School cancels prom over lesbian date. For some reason I can't get it out of my head. It's totally making my blood boil that a school would want to victimize a kid like that - we didn't have proms when I was at school, and I went to an all girls school anyway, but I can only imagine the effort and emotion tied up in a school prom. What kills me most about the article is the line at the bottom - that she was told when she asked a teacher what she should do she was told to "remember where she was". Really? Is that what we're teaching our kids these days? That if you live somewhere without civil liberties it's better not to upset the status quo and live miserably?

OK, rant over, and I promise I won't do that again for a while.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

A victory of sorts

The victory? I didn't use my stress and general crappy mood yesterday as an excuse to eat. I used it as a reason to do what I was doing and make sure I succeeded - I can't control other people's bad behavior, much as I would love to shake some people until their teeth rattle. I can control my behavior, and I did, so yay!

Another yay? I'm using Chibi's awesome idea today. She posted in my comments that instead of letting myself roam around the kitchen on my short school days, I should pack myself a lunch instead. So I did. It's even sitting in a lunch box (because I'm weird, I know) on my computer desk. And so far so good. I've not wandered into the kitchen after breakfast to see if there are any magic foods that "it wouldn't hurt too much" to eat. So far so good.

Now I just need a magic knowledge solution - I have three mid-terms next week, and a bunch of girl scouts to take ice skating on Sunday. So I've got the morning today, tomorrow and Saturday to study (as well as keep everyone's life together, make dinner, do laundry and all the other million things I do).

Oh, and tomorrow morning will be spent at the Ford dealership again - it seems in performing the work for the recall that needed to be done, they've screwed something up. They're idiots. I've spent all week online gathering official documentation to support my claim that they're idiots (I've actually found stuff from Ford that confirms my suspicions that they have no clue what they were supposed to be doing - it's amazing when a simple google search can show up more information from Ford than a Ford dealership apparently knows), and I intend to tell them in thorough detail tomorrow morning exactly why they're idiots. Good thing I've been desperate to go off on someone - anyone - all week, it's like I've been saving it all up for them. It might not help, but I'm at least going to try and get them to fix their mistake. So there.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010


Not at the eating thing - I had a perfect day yesterday, and today is one of my easy long days at school.

The think I'm irritated about is a personal thing - you know how some people just take advantage of you, even after you've said no more than once? That's what I'm dealing with this morning. This is the one person in my life that has made me learn to stand up and say no when I need to (Iz's friends mom) and now she's just not even taking that for an answer anymore. So now I've rearranged my morning to suit her needs - I'm pretty pissed.

But I have a plan! I'm not going to get upset and eat because of it! At least, that's the plan - I'll let you know tomorrow what happens.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

HYC Check in Tuesday!

And I'm proud of myself! Yesterday was perfect - I just need to string about another 500 days like that together and life will be great!

OK, back to reality - yesterday really was perfect, but I'm trying not to think about the other 500 days. I've got my plan for today and I'm sticking with it, and that's all I need to think about right now. Of course, today is the test - it's easy to eat well when you've got an insanely busy day and you had to plan food out anyway. Today is the day I have one class, and that's not until 2. I have all morning at home, and home is where the bad habits are. Luckily it's also where the Wii Fit is, so that's the plan - less bad habits, more wii fit. Hopefully in another week or so enough snow will have melted that I can actually go for a nice walk in the sping sunshine.

So there it is - I'm started again, and I happy about it.

Monday, March 8, 2010

The numbers.

The numbers are not fabulous. On Sunday morning I weighed myself and decided that instead of the 20 lb goal I have I need to shoot for a 25lb goal this time.

It might be a combination of the weight I've gained and the new scale I got because the old one was telling me I was a totally different weight every time I stepped on it, but I weighed in on Sunday at 275.6lbs. Ouch. that stung, because I really thought the whole time I'd been lapsed about my eating and everything that I hadn't gained too much weight. Of course, the old scale helped me in my fantasies - I knew that if I stood a certain way on it, it would record my weight on the low end of the range of crazy weights it would throw at me. Not this new scale. It's, well it's brutally honest, and apparently that's what I need.

So back to square one. Well, not quite as bad as square one, but definitely not where I had been.

I'm ready to do this again. And my goal this time is 250. Baby steps.

On the plus side my size 18 jeans still fit me - as do the new size 18 jeans I got from a Lee promotion the other day - a contest on Facebook I entered way back in December. That's 2 pairs of jeans! It's like independent verification that I at least did something right in the last few months, because I'm not right back where I started.

I've also decided to change my weigh in day - it's now Sunday, which should keep me fairly honest on Saturdays. Sundays are my "do what you want" day, but eventually that will change too. I'm just not ready to give that up yet (and actually I've never been particularly crazy with food on Sundays anyway).

So there it is - the horrible, naked truth. Hopefully by next week I'll be headed in the right direction again.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

The next step - carrying on.

So the responses I got from my last post totally made me cry. In a good way, though. This week, having been slightly more stable, has definately been better. On saturday my plan is to weigh in, record it as my new starting weight, and then get going on losing the next 20 lbs. I figure if I concentrate on 20lbs I can do it. How many times have I looked at someone who only has 20lbs to lose and said "I wish I only had 20lbs to lose!". So now I do.

School work is definatley a totally new thing here - I like to keep up with everything, because I know if I leave it, I'll be screwed later on. I've also learned, thanks to the snow and Iz's extreme cabin fever, that trying to do school work with an 8 year old around is pretty futile, unless you really like reading the same sentence of a textbook over and over again for hours at a time while either listening to the Disney channel on TV or sending her to go play elsewhere and wondering what the ominous thumps coming from upstairs are. So I've been trying to spend as much time during the week when I'm not in class working while no one else is home. I hate to admit it, but I'm really really enjoying it so far - it's the ultimate "me time".

I've also found that far from the worry I had about school making me eat badly, the days I'm at school all day I'm actually eating much better than the days I'm home - I pack myself a lunch and don't carry cash, so what I've got with me is all I eat. I'm actually thinking of going in early the two days I only have afternoon classes so that I'm not wondering around the kitchen aimlessly. I'm also still debating on the school gym. It's free and all, but it's also full of buff 19 year old boys fresh from their high school football teams. I'm probably not ready for that yet. I've been wishing that the school would set up some kind of on campus "curves" - a womens only room would be awesome.

So it's off to do my Spanish homework. It's the only class giving me trouble - in the other classes I'm taking (Anthrolpology, Sociology and History) I can use my general knowledge and a little studying to get a good grade. I'm the only person in my Spanish class who never took Spanish in high school though, so I'm automatically behind the curve there. Most people are just going through the motions so they can fulfil the gen ed requirements for graduation. I'm actually learning Spanish for the first time ever. It's probably good for me, but I swear, for the first time ever in school I feel like I'm a little out of my depth. I'm keeping up so far but only because I'm working at it. I guess it's good practice for the math class I have to take next semester.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Let's try this again, and again.

So I'm a horrible person. It's been 20 days since I last blogged, and those 20 days were days I should have blogged more than any other time.

Things have fallen apart a little bit at the moment here. Starting school and dealing with schedules has been stressful, but even more stressful for Chris has been dealing with the notion that he's going to be the sole financial support for our family for a while. It's not like it's new - seeing as I haven't had a job in 18 months, but I think it's starting to sink in that if I'm at school full time, the best I can hope for is a weekend job somewhere.

Not to mention that our car gave up last week. Specifically it came to a halt about 20 minutes into my ride home from school in the nasty ice cold rain last Monday. In the middle of an intersection. Thankfully I had our AAA card (since I drove the really unreliable vehicle, I'm the one who gets to keep it in my purse) and I got it towed home. This time it was the alternator (which made it really scary when the car gave up in the middle of the intersection - I couldn't put the flashers on, I couldn't wind down the window to wave people past - nothing!). Since the transmission already needed rebuilding, and there was a slow coolant leak that no one could seem to track down, we decided that we may as well put the same money we'd put into fixing it into a new (to us) car. Unfortunately that money was all that was in our savings account. We're feeling a little vulnerable right now. Actually we're feeling a lot vulnerable right now, but the option was financing (and another monthly payment we can't afford if Chris gets laid off) or clearing the savings account.

So last week was spent at used car dealerships. Used car dealerships make me want to scratch my eyes out. Or at least someones eyes out. I told Chris going in that I wasn't going to say a word. I'm not a good deal maker when it comes to stuff like that, and I find draining our entire savings account in one go just too depressing for words. We eventually narrowed it down to two cars, a Pontiac Grand Am that we couldn't afford but really liked, and a mini van that we could afford, but heck - a mini van? We have one child. I really never imagined myself driving a mini van, but since it was the one we could actually afford (after Chris did his manly thing and bargained the price down by $1000), I'm now driving a mini van. I'm going to have to find some kids soccer club decals to go on it. Iz thinks it's awesome - we went from the three of us riding around on the front (only) seat of Chris' truck (because it was the only dependable car we had, and last week it was the only working car we had) to her having the choice of 5 seats.

So, my eating habits. Well, they haven't been good. At all. Although I've managed to only put on 5 pounds, I've totally got out of the habit of even attempting to eat properly. One thing I've noticed though is that my stomach is totally rebelling at all the crap food I've been eating. I've had horrible heartburn, stomach cramps, everything. Of course, it hasn't been enough to actually send me back to eating properly, but hey, at least my body recognises good food now.

So today I start again. I've packed my lunch, I've written a shopping list (to be done somewhere in between school and Brownies tonight) and I've decided that the stomach cramps, the feeling crappy and the weight really aren't worth it. Time to get back on track. Properly.

On the happy side of things, we took Iz snow tubing a few weeks ago. Actually, Chris had to persuade me that I wasn't too heavy to go snow tubing (and 20 pounds ago I probably would have been), but once I got there I had a blast. That was what really sealed the deal for me. If I want to keep having fun with Iz, I really have to lose some more weight. Of course, them the week from hell came along, so now I'm actually getting around to doing something about it.