Sunday, November 15, 2009

I came sooo close... screwing up yesterday, just because I was down about varous things, but I'm really glad to say that I didn't. In fact, I ended the night by spending three hours in a local bakery/coffee shop and didn't even want anything, even though I had allotted myself the calories to have something small.

Which made me think a little bit. What, to me, is screwing up? I'd have to say binging - eating without control because the food is there, or in some cases, even when it's not there - I have been known to take a trip to the store intentionally to come home and sit and stuff my face. That's one thing that's really a big deal to me, because that's where I've always lost control before.

So yesterday when I was stomping around the kitchen, just looking at everything that was there, I took a deep breath and regained some control. In fact, I mentally shook myself - the point of eating too much because I didn't lose as much weight as I felt I should have and because I was in a terrible mood already began to seem absolutely absurd to me. What kind of idiot am I if I eat more because I didn't lose weight? What kind of insane logic is that?

So I wrote down my plan for the day, and I stuck to it, and even got some unplanned exercise in, and this morning I'm really glad I did, because now it's Sunday and because I've stuck to my plan all week, I get to have a bagel and cream cheese with a huge mug of coffee for breakfast, and I plan to do something yummy with the goat's cheese I've been saving for lunch. But mostly I'm glad I stuck to it because it means I know I can. And the next time I feel the need to lose control, I'll know I got through it once before, and maybe, just maybe it'll be easier.


Chibi said...

It might be "insane logic," but it's something we ALL seem to slip into from time to time.

Congrats on not slipping up. I hope you are able to be proud of yourself for being able to realize your trigger and for being able to take a breath and step back - that's a huge accomplishment! (And one I haven't managed to master yet. *wink*)

Sheryl said...

Don't be too hard on yourself, we didn't gain weight or develop these bad habits over night. Things won't change over night.

Just remember each small baby step will accumulate into something big.

Think positive/healing thoughts.