Tuesday, January 12, 2010

I'm officially back!

My parents left last night. Yes, there were some tears - it's always difficult for me to realize that I'm probably never going to live in England again.

But you know what? I was planning to have this day as a transition - to ease back into my way of doing things after so many days of doing everything everyone else's way. I don't need it. The first thing I did was to get up and plan out my calories for the day. Now I'm blogging. After Iz leaves for school there will be exercise. I actually like my routine - much more than I thought I did. I really thought it would be hell to start counting my calories again - not that I've eaten excessively, but just because it's a new level of strict that I didn't have for the last month. I'm actually excited about it. I've not even weighed myself - every time I've stepped on the scale it's told me I'm holding steady, so I'll weigh in like usual on Saturday and start updating from there again. I'm actually less bothered about losing weight at the moment - it'll happen if I stick to what I've been doing - no need to obsess about the numbers on the scale. I was planning a day of mourning for my food freedom, and I'm actually more excited about regaining the control.

What's the reason for that last change? There are two. First, I have a lovely new pair of jeans that are size 18 - with no "W" behind it! The W is significant to me. I know it's supposed to stand for "woman" but to me when I pick it up off the shelf it always stands for "wide" as is - "wide load". I know it's not much but it's a start - proof that my body is changing and that I don't have to flip out over every half pound lost.

Second was the discussion I had with my hubby last night. We were talking about how good my breathing has been in the super cold weather we've had lately. That's usually one of my biggest asthma triggers - going from cold air to a heated room or vice versa. This year it hasn't been a problem, and we've been well under freezing temps here for a few weeks now. Usually when the weather gets like this I have a horrible time, but this year I've done everything I've tried to without a problem. I couldn't figure out why, but then my hubby pointed out that the pounds I've lost and the exercise I've been doing have probably been helping my body deal with things that used to be a challenge. It's working - I have proof it's working, now I've just got to trust myself and my body. I'm not very good at that.

I think I was flipping out over every half pound lost because I didn't trust my body to respond appropriately to diet and exercise because of all those half-assed tries before. I've proven that it's responding, so now the scale truly is for once a week. I don't have to have evidence every half hour anymore.

So - trust is my new watch word.

Oh, and the New Years resolution - going surprisingly well. I've yet to have a proper flip-out about anything - and this is from someone who lost her car key last night in a bunch of snow in someone else's yard. My hubby was right - I did flip out about small things way too much. I've just got to trust that I can do the right thing in a sticky situation and that I can adapt when things don't go my way. Again with the trust - apparently it's my word of the new decade....


heather said...

Congratulations on all you have accomplished so far.

Stephanie said...

It really can be nice to get back into a routine. I think many of us are breathing a sigh of relief that the holidays are over and we can now go back to our regularly scheduled lives ;)
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Chibi said...

I am a mess without my routine: much like a baby, I crave schedules and structure. ;)

Congrats on the new jeans! I hate to admit it, but I've always thought of the "W" as "wide," too.

It is so awesome that your asthma is improving! Talk about a NSV! :)

Lori said...

Great accomplishments!