HYC Check in Tuesday!

And I'm proud of myself! Yesterday was perfect - I just need to string about another 500 days like that together and life will be great!

OK, back to reality - yesterday really was perfect, but I'm trying not to think about the other 500 days. I've got my plan for today and I'm sticking with it, and that's all I need to think about right now. Of course, today is the test - it's easy to eat well when you've got an insanely busy day and you had to plan food out anyway. Today is the day I have one class, and that's not until 2. I have all morning at home, and home is where the bad habits are. Luckily it's also where the Wii Fit is, so that's the plan - less bad habits, more wii fit. Hopefully in another week or so enough snow will have melted that I can actually go for a nice walk in the sping sunshine.

So there it is - I'm started again, and I happy about it.

The numbers.

The numbers are not fabulous. On Sunday morning I weighed myself and decided that instead of the 20 lb goal I have I need to shoot for a 25lb goal this time.

It might be a combination of the weight I've gained and the new scale I got because the old one was telling me I was a totally different weight every time I stepped on it, but I weighed in on Sunday at 275.6lbs. Ouch. that stung, because I really thought the whole time I'd been lapsed about my eating and everything that I hadn't gained too much weight. Of course, the old scale helped me in my fantasies - I knew that if I stood a certain way on it, it would record my weight on the low end of the range of crazy weights it would throw at me. Not this new scale. It's, well it's brutally honest, and apparently that's what I need.

So back to square one. Well, not quite as bad as square one, but definitely not where I had been.

I'm ready to do this again. And my goal this time is 250. Baby steps.

On the plus side my size 18 jeans still fit me - as do the new size 18 jeans I got from a Lee promotion the other day - a contest on Facebook I entered way back in December. That's 2 pairs of jeans! It's like independent verification that I at least did something right in the last few months, because I'm not right back where I started.

I've also decided to change my weigh in day - it's now Sunday, which should keep me fairly honest on Saturdays. Sundays are my "do what you want" day, but eventually that will change too. I'm just not ready to give that up yet (and actually I've never been particularly crazy with food on Sundays anyway).

So there it is - the horrible, naked truth. Hopefully by next week I'll be headed in the right direction again.

The next step - carrying on.

So the responses I got from my last post totally made me cry. In a good way, though. This week, having been slightly more stable, has definately been better. On saturday my plan is to weigh in, record it as my new starting weight, and then get going on losing the next 20 lbs. I figure if I concentrate on 20lbs I can do it. How many times have I looked at someone who only has 20lbs to lose and said "I wish I only had 20lbs to lose!". So now I do.

School work is definatley a totally new thing here - I like to keep up with everything, because I know if I leave it, I'll be screwed later on. I've also learned, thanks to the snow and Iz's extreme cabin fever, that trying to do school work with an 8 year old around is pretty futile, unless you really like reading the same sentence of a textbook over and over again for hours at a time while either listening to the Disney channel on TV or sending her to go play elsewhere and wondering what the ominous thumps coming from upstairs are. So I've been trying to spend as much time during the week when I'm not in class working while no one else is home. I hate to admit it, but I'm really really enjoying it so far - it's the ultimate "me time".

I've also found that far from the worry I had about school making me eat badly, the days I'm at school all day I'm actually eating much better than the days I'm home - I pack myself a lunch and don't carry cash, so what I've got with me is all I eat. I'm actually thinking of going in early the two days I only have afternoon classes so that I'm not wondering around the kitchen aimlessly. I'm also still debating on the school gym. It's free and all, but it's also full of buff 19 year old boys fresh from their high school football teams. I'm probably not ready for that yet. I've been wishing that the school would set up some kind of on campus "curves" - a womens only room would be awesome.

So it's off to do my Spanish homework. It's the only class giving me trouble - in the other classes I'm taking (Anthrolpology, Sociology and History) I can use my general knowledge and a little studying to get a good grade. I'm the only person in my Spanish class who never took Spanish in high school though, so I'm automatically behind the curve there. Most people are just going through the motions so they can fulfil the gen ed requirements for graduation. I'm actually learning Spanish for the first time ever. It's probably good for me, but I swear, for the first time ever in school I feel like I'm a little out of my depth. I'm keeping up so far but only because I'm working at it. I guess it's good practice for the math class I have to take next semester.

Let's try this again, and again.

So I'm a horrible person. It's been 20 days since I last blogged, and those 20 days were days I should have blogged more than any other time.

Things have fallen apart a little bit at the moment here. Starting school and dealing with schedules has been stressful, but even more stressful for Chris has been dealing with the notion that he's going to be the sole financial support for our family for a while. It's not like it's new - seeing as I haven't had a job in 18 months, but I think it's starting to sink in that if I'm at school full time, the best I can hope for is a weekend job somewhere.

Not to mention that our car gave up last week. Specifically it came to a halt about 20 minutes into my ride home from school in the nasty ice cold rain last Monday. In the middle of an intersection. Thankfully I had our AAA card (since I drove the really unreliable vehicle, I'm the one who gets to keep it in my purse) and I got it towed home. This time it was the alternator (which made it really scary when the car gave up in the middle of the intersection - I couldn't put the flashers on, I couldn't wind down the window to wave people past - nothing!). Since the transmission already needed rebuilding, and there was a slow coolant leak that no one could seem to track down, we decided that we may as well put the same money we'd put into fixing it into a new (to us) car. Unfortunately that money was all that was in our savings account. We're feeling a little vulnerable right now. Actually we're feeling a lot vulnerable right now, but the option was financing (and another monthly payment we can't afford if Chris gets laid off) or clearing the savings account.

So last week was spent at used car dealerships. Used car dealerships make me want to scratch my eyes out. Or at least someones eyes out. I told Chris going in that I wasn't going to say a word. I'm not a good deal maker when it comes to stuff like that, and I find draining our entire savings account in one go just too depressing for words. We eventually narrowed it down to two cars, a Pontiac Grand Am that we couldn't afford but really liked, and a mini van that we could afford, but heck - a mini van? We have one child. I really never imagined myself driving a mini van, but since it was the one we could actually afford (after Chris did his manly thing and bargained the price down by $1000), I'm now driving a mini van. I'm going to have to find some kids soccer club decals to go on it. Iz thinks it's awesome - we went from the three of us riding around on the front (only) seat of Chris' truck (because it was the only dependable car we had, and last week it was the only working car we had) to her having the choice of 5 seats.

So, my eating habits. Well, they haven't been good. At all. Although I've managed to only put on 5 pounds, I've totally got out of the habit of even attempting to eat properly. One thing I've noticed though is that my stomach is totally rebelling at all the crap food I've been eating. I've had horrible heartburn, stomach cramps, everything. Of course, it hasn't been enough to actually send me back to eating properly, but hey, at least my body recognises good food now.

So today I start again. I've packed my lunch, I've written a shopping list (to be done somewhere in between school and Brownies tonight) and I've decided that the stomach cramps, the feeling crappy and the weight really aren't worth it. Time to get back on track. Properly.

On the happy side of things, we took Iz snow tubing a few weeks ago. Actually, Chris had to persuade me that I wasn't too heavy to go snow tubing (and 20 pounds ago I probably would have been), but once I got there I had a blast. That was what really sealed the deal for me. If I want to keep having fun with Iz, I really have to lose some more weight. Of course, them the week from hell came along, so now I'm actually getting around to doing something about it.

It snowed!

And snowed and snowed and snowed and - well, you get the idea.

I know that everyone north of Maryland is laughing at me right now, but I've seriously never seen this much snow - the picture above was taken well before the snow stopped, when we had to dig an area for our dog to go outside. The most snow I ever saw growing up in the UK was about 6 inches. I've lived here for 12 years now, but still nothing quite like this.

I have to say that I've also let all the disruption disrupt my routine. I've had next to no exercise, since this snow wasn't the light, cute fluffy snow we had before Christmas I couldn't even shovel it. In fact, shovelling was enough to give my super fit and only slightly asthmatic husband an asthma attack too. I've been holed up in the house. I've been baking cookies to keep Iz amused, since she can only stand an hour outside in the snow at a time. I've been trying to catch up on the school work I've missed through cancelled classes. It's hard to read textbooks at home, because there's always something better to go do. Like, erm, blogging. And filing my taxes (done!) and filling out my FAFSA for next year (done!) and cleaning the house (done!). The only thing I'm left with is laundry, and since it's way further down on my list than school work, I'm down to school work.

So I've been bad. I've not gone hugely over my calories, but I also haven't exactly been strict in planning and eating properly either. No exercise. No real urge to do anything good, either. I'm back to just not feeling it - need some inspiration back. I'll be back tomorrow with an HYC post that I can actually commit whole heartedly to.

Exhausted.

Didn't sleep last night because I was stressed about the snow. I had classes all day and a kid whose school closes at the merest mention of snow.

I got lucky - they were both delayed two hours so I got to all my classes and got Iz and her little friends to school. It's supposed to snow again Friday, so I'm really glad I have no classes then.

I ate OK today. I'm actually headed to bed in a minute, since I've got another insane day tomorrow - class then taking a bunch of Brownies to see Disney on Ice. I'll be so glad if it snows hard on Friday and I don't have to do a thing all weekend.

HYC Check in Tuesday!

So here I am, and I have to say I'm pretty proud of myself - I've regained control this week. I've stuck to my goals, and even though I gained a pound at weigh in on Saturday I really know that I deserved much worse the last few weeks (when I'd actually had losses). I'm actually not so bothered about the gain - The control is far more important to me anymore.

I'm back on track. It may not be a super fast track, but it's a track. What do I want to do this week?

I want to continue blogging every day. It helps me sort out my goals and follow my plans.

I want to make sure I'm drinking enough water. That's been a bit iffy the last few days.

I want to get into a good exercise routine again. I've exercised, but not in a routine kind of way. Now I have a brand new weekly routine, I need to fit regular exercise into it.

I want to cut my calories down to 1750 a day for the week.

So - four more goals for this week. Let's see how I do.