A Single Step - as easy as 123

Not a very interesting post...

2010-03-17T07:24:00.001-04:00

But if I waited until I had something interesting to post I'd never do it.

I'm still on track.

Yup - that's about as interesting as it gets right now.

It's HYC Tuesday!

2010-03-16T08:24:00.004-04:00

And for the first time in months, I'm looking forward to writing this post.

I'm 100% back on track again. That is, back on track for me. I've definitely come to the conclusion that I'm a "slow and steady wins the race" sort of a gal. I know that if I went hog wild I could probably lose this weight all in one go, in a comparatively short time, even. But I'm not that kind of person. I dropped 25 lbs and then stuck around there for a while. Now I'm back on track and on my way to dropping another 25 lbs. I'm actually having fun this way. I'm gradually changing the way I eat, and gradually doing more exercise, but I'm really not one of those people that can go all gung ho and change their lives in one go.

There's a reason this blog is called "a single step". About a year before I actually started writing here, I registered the name in preparation for doing just that - taking one single, giant step and changing my life. I read all kinds of books - and boy are there some crackpot weight loss/ lifestyle books out there. I geared myself up to start, and then I realized that however great I might feel after I was done with this ordeal, I'm really not the right person to change my life with a snap of my fingers and live differently forever. I just couldn't do it. It wasn't me, and pretending to be anything but me makes me miserable. Plus I just can't stand self-help books.

So, when I at last came to my senses and gave away every single one of those stupid self-help books, I didn't think I'd be using this blog. Not that I wouldn't be doing anything for my health, I just couldn't think in terms of that one great leap anymore. And then I was ready - ready to start. You have to be ready - I don't think there's a weight loss blogger out there who doesn't know that. Everything else is just empty promises. So I started, and I thought once again about blogging. I looked at my empty (well, there was one post there) blog. I deleted the post, and I got blogging. And I found that I am a "single step" kind of person - I'm a single small step at a time kind of person. I have to be ready to take the next step, and I think between Christmas and now I wasn't ready. I know - it's terrible to wait so long between steps, but I'm happy. I'm making it work my way, which might not be everyone's way, but I'm happy. And I'm ready, and I'm losing again. I fully intend to lose 25 more pounds and then chill out for a while, until I'm ready to lose the next 25. Hopefully it won't be so long next time, but hey - who knows?

Top 3 reasons I feel like an idiot...

2010-03-15T07:54:00.002-04:00

And why it's a good thing.

1) I got within three miles of the dealership Friday, all geared up for a fight. Then the light on the dash went out. I got to the dealership, and of course, they weren't prepared to look at anything. But you know what? It was probably a good thing, because they were going to ask me for $100 - fully refundable, of course, if it was their fault. Mmmmhhhm. So I'll give you money, and then you'll tell me if it's your fault or not. I may not be the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree, but I'm pretty sure I know how that's going to go. So now I've got a new plan. After some asking around, I've found a friend of a friend's garage who will look at the ABS sensor for free. Free is much cheaper than $100.

2) I ended up (though all kinds of a weird day) eating horribly on Friday. My old boss (who I love) called me and asked me to meet him at a Chinese buffet place for lunch, since he had some really good gossip to impart. So I went, and I ate. I didn't eat horribly, but I didn't eat great either. Then on Friday night I watched my friend's kids for a while (so she could do us a huge favor). She, in return, took us all to Pizza Hut so we could spend the kid's reading awards, and Chris and I ended up sharing some of a pizza between us. Yup - eating out twice in a day. The good thing? I felt so nasty by the end of the day I've been good ever since.

3) I was all geared up to go Ice Skating with the Brownies yesterday. We drove an hour to the ice rink, and then waited around (with about 100 other Girl Scouts) were told that the person who booked the event (a fundraiser) had screwed up, and the rink was double booked - with a hockey tournament. So now I get to drive there again next weekend. How was this a good thing? A bunch of us who carpooled ended up taking the kids to Chuck E. Cheese for a while, which meant we got to hang out and talk, and I got to know some of Iz's friend's moms a litle better - we ended up talking and laughing for a good two hours. Oh, and because it was Chick E. Cheese, I wasn't tempted to eat anything. Their food is horrible.

So, the weekend was a bust as far as plans go, but actually turned out pretty good. Maybe I should stop being so upset when plans don't work out.

Oh, and the best part of the weekend? Formula 1 is back! Awesome race in Bahrain - can't wait for australia in 2 weeks :)

Weigh in!

2010-03-14T10:33:00.002-04:00

And I dropped 3 lbs this week! It's so nice having a reliable scale that weighs me the same if I step on it twice in a row, even if it does say I weigh more than the old scale.

More tomorrow, since I'm about to go watch the Grand Prix, and then I'm giong Ice Skating with a bunch of six and seven year olds. Should be fun - I wonder which one of us will break something?

Lets get today over with...

2010-03-12T08:41:00.002-05:00

As quickly as possible.

So Chibi's idea (see yesterday) worked awesomely. In fact so awesomely I'm doing it again today. With one small difference. Because I'm headed to camp out at the Ford dealership today, I'm taking my lunch with me - since I really don't know how long I'll be.

OK, I'm going to get political. I don't get political often, and I know I have readers who probably won't like it, but I have to vent a little. I was looking through the news when I came across this story: School cancels prom over lesbian date. For some reason I can't get it out of my head. It's totally making my blood boil that a school would want to victimize a kid like that - we didn't have proms when I was at school, and I went to an all girls school anyway, but I can only imagine the effort and emotion tied up in a school prom. What kills me most about the article is the line at the bottom - that she was told when she asked a teacher what she should do she was told to "remember where she was". Really? Is that what we're teaching our kids these days? That if you live somewhere without civil liberties it's better not to upset the status quo and live miserably?

OK, rant over, and I promise I won't do that again for a while.

A victory of sorts

2010-03-11T09:33:00.003-05:00

The victory? I didn't use my stress and general crappy mood yesterday as an excuse to eat. I used it as a reason to do what I was doing and make sure I succeeded - I can't control other people's bad behavior, much as I would love to shake some people until their teeth rattle. I can control my behavior, and I did, so yay!

Another yay? I'm using Chibi's awesome idea today. She posted in my comments that instead of letting myself roam around the kitchen on my short school days, I should pack myself a lunch instead. So I did. It's even sitting in a lunch box (because I'm weird, I know) on my computer desk. And so far so good. I've not wandered into the kitchen after breakfast to see if there are any magic foods that "it wouldn't hurt too much" to eat. So far so good.

Now I just need a magic knowledge solution - I have three mid-terms next week, and a bunch of girl scouts to take ice skating on Sunday. So I've got the morning today, tomorrow and Saturday to study (as well as keep everyone's life together, make dinner, do laundry and all the other million things I do).

Oh, and tomorrow morning will be spent at the Ford dealership again - it seems in performing the work for the recall that needed to be done, they've screwed something up. They're idiots. I've spent all week online gathering official documentation to support my claim that they're idiots (I've actually found stuff from Ford that confirms my suspicions that they have no clue what they were supposed to be doing - it's amazing when a simple google search can show up more information from Ford than a Ford dealership apparently knows), and I intend to tell them in thorough detail tomorrow morning exactly why they're idiots. Good thing I've been desperate to go off on someone - anyone - all week, it's like I've been saving it all up for them. It might not help, but I'm at least going to try and get them to fix their mistake. So there.

Grrrr.

2010-03-10T08:28:00.003-05:00

Not at the eating thing - I had a perfect day yesterday, and today is one of my easy long days at school.

The think I'm irritated about is a personal thing - you know how some people just take advantage of you, even after you've said no more than once? That's what I'm dealing with this morning. This is the one person in my life that has made me learn to stand up and say no when I need to (Iz's friends mom) and now she's just not even taking that for an answer anymore. So now I've rearranged my morning to suit her needs - I'm pretty pissed.

But I have a plan! I'm not going to get upset and eat because of it! At least, that's the plan - I'll let you know tomorrow what happens.

HYC Check in Tuesday!

2010-03-09T08:07:00.002-05:00

And I'm proud of myself! Yesterday was perfect - I just need to string about another 500 days like that together and life will be great!

OK, back to reality - yesterday really was perfect, but I'm trying not to think about the other 500 days. I've got my plan for today and I'm sticking with it, and that's all I need to think about right now. Of course, today is the test - it's easy to eat well when you've got an insanely busy day and you had to plan food out anyway. Today is the day I have one class, and that's not until 2. I have all morning at home, and home is where the bad habits are. Luckily it's also where the Wii Fit is, so that's the plan - less bad habits, more wii fit. Hopefully in another week or so enough snow will have melted that I can actually go for a nice walk in the sping sunshine.

So there it is - I'm started again, and I happy about it.

The numbers.

2010-03-08T07:51:00.003-05:00

The numbers are not fabulous. On Sunday morning I weighed myself and decided that instead of the 20 lb goal I have I need to shoot for a 25lb goal this time.

It might be a combination of the weight I've gained and the new scale I got because the old one was telling me I was a totally different weight every time I stepped on it, but I weighed in on Sunday at 275.6lbs. Ouch. that stung, because I really thought the whole time I'd been lapsed about my eating and everything that I hadn't gained too much weight. Of course, the old scale helped me in my fantasies - I knew that if I stood a certain way on it, it would record my weight on the low end of the range of crazy weights it would throw at me. Not this new scale. It's, well it's brutally honest, and apparently that's what I need.

So back to square one. Well, not quite as bad as square one, but definitely not where I had been.

I'm ready to do this again. And my goal this time is 250. Baby steps.

On the plus side my size 18 jeans still fit me - as do the new size 18 jeans I got from a Lee promotion the other day - a contest on Facebook I entered way back in December. That's 2 pairs of jeans! It's like independent verification that I at least did something right in the last few months, because I'm not right back where I started.

I've also decided to change my weigh in day - it's now Sunday, which should keep me fairly honest on Saturdays. Sundays are my "do what you want" day, but eventually that will change too. I'm just not ready to give that up yet (and actually I've never been particularly crazy with food on Sundays anyway).

So there it is - the horrible, naked truth. Hopefully by next week I'll be headed in the right direction again.

The next step - carrying on.

2010-03-04T09:05:00.002-05:00

So the responses I got from my last post totally made me cry. In a good way, though. This week, having been slightly more stable, has definately been better. On saturday my plan is to weigh in, record it as my new starting weight, and then get going on losing the next 20 lbs. I figure if I concentrate on 20lbs I can do it. How many times have I looked at someone who only has 20lbs to lose and said "I wish I only had 20lbs to lose!". So now I do.

School work is definatley a totally new thing here - I like to keep up with everything, because I know if I leave it, I'll be screwed later on. I've also learned, thanks to the snow and Iz's extreme cabin fever, that trying to do school work with an 8 year old around is pretty futile, unless you really like reading the same sentence of a textbook over and over again for hours at a time while either listening to the Disney channel on TV or sending her to go play elsewhere and wondering what the ominous thumps coming from upstairs are. So I've been trying to spend as much time during the week when I'm not in class working while no one else is home. I hate to admit it, but I'm really really enjoying it so far - it's the ultimate "me time".

I've also found that far from the worry I had about school making me eat badly, the days I'm at school all day I'm actually eating much better than the days I'm home - I pack myself a lunch and don't carry cash, so what I've got with me is all I eat. I'm actually thinking of going in early the two days I only have afternoon classes so that I'm not wondering around the kitchen aimlessly. I'm also still debating on the school gym. It's free and all, but it's also full of buff 19 year old boys fresh from their high school football teams. I'm probably not ready for that yet. I've been wishing that the school would set up some kind of on campus "curves" - a womens only room would be awesome.

So it's off to do my Spanish homework. It's the only class giving me trouble - in the other classes I'm taking (Anthrolpology, Sociology and History) I can use my general knowledge and a little studying to get a good grade. I'm the only person in my Spanish class who never took Spanish in high school though, so I'm automatically behind the curve there. Most people are just going through the motions so they can fulfil the gen ed requirements for graduation. I'm actually learning Spanish for the first time ever. It's probably good for me, but I swear, for the first time ever in school I feel like I'm a little out of my depth. I'm keeping up so far but only because I'm working at it. I guess it's good practice for the math class I have to take next semester.

Let's try this again, and again.

2010-03-01T07:56:00.003-05:00

So I'm a horrible person. It's been 20 days since I last blogged, and those 20 days were days I should have blogged more than any other time.

Things have fallen apart a little bit at the moment here. Starting school and dealing with schedules has been stressful, but even more stressful for Chris has been dealing with the notion that he's going to be the sole financial support for our family for a while. It's not like it's new - seeing as I haven't had a job in 18 months, but I think it's starting to sink in that if I'm at school full time, the best I can hope for is a weekend job somewhere.

Not to mention that our car gave up last week. Specifically it came to a halt about 20 minutes into my ride home from school in the nasty ice cold rain last Monday. In the middle of an intersection. Thankfully I had our AAA card (since I drove the really unreliable vehicle, I'm the one who gets to keep it in my purse) and I got it towed home. This time it was the alternator (which made it really scary when the car gave up in the middle of the intersection - I couldn't put the flashers on, I couldn't wind down the window to wave people past - nothing!). Since the transmission already needed rebuilding, and there was a slow coolant leak that no one could seem to track down, we decided that we may as well put the same money we'd put into fixing it into a new (to us) car. Unfortunately that money was all that was in our savings account. We're feeling a little vulnerable right now. Actually we're feeling a lot vulnerable right now, but the option was financing (and another monthly payment we can't afford if Chris gets laid off) or clearing the savings account.

So last week was spent at used car dealerships. Used car dealerships make me want to scratch my eyes out. Or at least someones eyes out. I told Chris going in that I wasn't going to say a word. I'm not a good deal maker when it comes to stuff like that, and I find draining our entire savings account in one go just too depressing for words. We eventually narrowed it down to two cars, a Pontiac Grand Am that we couldn't afford but really liked, and a mini van that we could afford, but heck - a mini van? We have one child. I really never imagined myself driving a mini van, but since it was the one we could actually afford (after Chris did his manly thing and bargained the price down by $1000), I'm now driving a mini van. I'm going to have to find some kids soccer club decals to go on it. Iz thinks it's awesome - we went from the three of us riding around on the front (only) seat of Chris' truck (because it was the only dependable car we had, and last week it was the only working car we had) to her having the choice of 5 seats.

So, my eating habits. Well, they haven't been good. At all. Although I've managed to only put on 5 pounds, I've totally got out of the habit of even attempting to eat properly. One thing I've noticed though is that my stomach is totally rebelling at all the crap food I've been eating. I've had horrible heartburn, stomach cramps, everything. Of course, it hasn't been enough to actually send me back to eating properly, but hey, at least my body recognises good food now.

So today I start again. I've packed my lunch, I've written a shopping list (to be done somewhere in between school and Brownies tonight) and I've decided that the stomach cramps, the feeling crappy and the weight really aren't worth it. Time to get back on track. Properly.

On the happy side of things, we took Iz snow tubing a few weeks ago. Actually, Chris had to persuade me that I wasn't too heavy to go snow tubing (and 20 pounds ago I probably would have been), but once I got there I had a blast. That was what really sealed the deal for me. If I want to keep having fun with Iz, I really have to lose some more weight. Of course, them the week from hell came along, so now I'm actually getting around to doing something about it.

It snowed!

2010-02-08T11:33:00.003-05:00

And snowed and snowed and snowed and - well, you get the idea.

I know that everyone north of Maryland is laughing at me right now, but I've seriously never seen this much snow - the picture above was taken well before the snow stopped, when we had to dig an area for our dog to go outside. The most snow I ever saw growing up in the UK was about 6 inches. I've lived here for 12 years now, but still nothing quite like this.

I have to say that I've also let all the disruption disrupt my routine. I've had next to no exercise, since this snow wasn't the light, cute fluffy snow we had before Christmas I couldn't even shovel it. In fact, shovelling was enough to give my super fit and only slightly asthmatic husband an asthma attack too. I've been holed up in the house. I've been baking cookies to keep Iz amused, since she can only stand an hour outside in the snow at a time. I've been trying to catch up on the school work I've missed through cancelled classes. It's hard to read textbooks at home, because there's always something better to go do. Like, erm, blogging. And filing my taxes (done!) and filling out my FAFSA for next year (done!) and cleaning the house (done!). The only thing I'm left with is laundry, and since it's way further down on my list than school work, I'm down to school work.

So I've been bad. I've not gone hugely over my calories, but I also haven't exactly been strict in planning and eating properly either. No exercise. No real urge to do anything good, either. I'm back to just not feeling it - need some inspiration back. I'll be back tomorrow with an HYC post that I can actually commit whole heartedly to.

Exhausted.

2010-02-03T20:02:00.002-05:00

Didn't sleep last night because I was stressed about the snow. I had classes all day and a kid whose school closes at the merest mention of snow.

I got lucky - they were both delayed two hours so I got to all my classes and got Iz and her little friends to school. It's supposed to snow again Friday, so I'm really glad I have no classes then.

I ate OK today. I'm actually headed to bed in a minute, since I've got another insane day tomorrow - class then taking a bunch of Brownies to see Disney on Ice. I'll be so glad if it snows hard on Friday and I don't have to do a thing all weekend.

HYC Check in Tuesday!

2010-02-02T08:52:00.003-05:00

So here I am, and I have to say I'm pretty proud of myself - I've regained control this week. I've stuck to my goals, and even though I gained a pound at weigh in on Saturday I really know that I deserved much worse the last few weeks (when I'd actually had losses). I'm actually not so bothered about the gain - The control is far more important to me anymore.

I'm back on track. It may not be a super fast track, but it's a track. What do I want to do this week?

I want to continue blogging every day. It helps me sort out my goals and follow my plans.

I want to make sure I'm drinking enough water. That's been a bit iffy the last few days.

I want to get into a good exercise routine again. I've exercised, but not in a routine kind of way. Now I have a brand new weekly routine, I need to fit regular exercise into it.

I want to cut my calories down to 1750 a day for the week.

So - four more goals for this week. Let's see how I do.

Whew!

2010-02-01T20:41:00.003-05:00

So I survived. One thing about being super insanely busy all day was that I've eaten wonderfully - I didn't have time to do otherwise. Tomorrow is much more chilled out, I only have afternoon classes, so I'll have the morning to exercise and clean up the house, which looks like I've been away for a month.

Oh, and I'm going to sleep great tonight - 24 insanely wired small children made sure of that.

Ready, set.....

2010-01-31T20:08:00.002-05:00

I've packed my school bag (OK, so I unearthed an ancient bag I could throw my books in), I've figured out what I'm wearing tomorrow, and what I'm packing tomorrow, and even what I'm eating for breakfast tomorrow, and I've even taken a bath to try and calm myself down because I'm keyed up beyond belief. Why? It could only be the night before school starts. I feel like I'm 10 years old again.

I've been so worked up today I've actually forgotten about being hungry. Sunday is usually my day of diet rest - the day I don't count calories but just try not to go insane, but today I've actually managed to eat less than when I was trying to eat less all last week.

I'd write more, but I'm busy pacing around the house. Does pacing count as exercise?

Double ouch...

2010-01-30T10:16:00.003-05:00

I gained a pound this week. I'm pretty much figuring this is one of the several I should have gained last week when I screwed up, since my body has been known to do screwy things like that. I'm taking it as the slap in the face I need to really keep at it. It's also nowhere near as bad as I deserve for how things have been lately - it's way too soon to start seeing results from my new routine from HYC on Tuesday.

I'll be spending my afternoon running around with a bunch of little ones, since we have a Brownie outing today. It should keep my mind off food, although I think I'm going to need to budget some calories for alcohol when I'm done. We've got another one coming up on Thursday, too - the kids sold the most cookies out of any troop in the county so they're all getting free tickets to Disney on Ice on Thursday. It's going to be a blast - busy, crazy, but a blast - definately something I'm looking forward to, since the kids are so excited about it. Add a brownie meeting in on Monday and I've got my hands full for the week - college and small children are going to make me incredibly tired by Friday.

I'm also going to have to figure out some time for exercise this week. I'm guessing I can find somewhere to take a walk in the general area of the college, so I might just wear comfy shoes and do that on Monday and Wednesday - at least I'll be moving. If I can't find anywhere to walk I'll be breaking out the Wii Fit between school and Brownies.

So that's that. A Gain, but I'll get over it. I know that if I stick to my HYC plan I'll see results at some point.

Ouch!

2010-01-29T16:41:00.002-05:00

I just got my butt kicked in an unofficial family sit up contest.

Who came in first? My 8 year old who managed thirty without missing a beat and then looked at me like "is that all?" and proceeded to do 20 push ups.

Second was my hubby, who managed 20 with lots of effort. Slightly weird since he's the super fit guy - at least, he used to be. He got hit by a car while he was crossing the street this past August and has really lost a lot of his physical conditioning - he was out of work for nearly three months.

I managed *drum roll* 11. Don't laugh - 11 is actually 6 more than I thought I'd do. I've been doing lots of walking as exercise, but not really any exercises, as such. It's time to break out the Wii fit and play the section I've been avoiding since we bought it - the strength training section.

So yes, I exercised today. I walked, and I took part in the sit up contest - yeah, I know, not really exercise, but every little helps. And now I'm considering breaking out the wii, just because I'm curious as to how much pain I can inflict on myself. I've also opened a new excel page and logged our sit up progress - it'll be fun to see if I can catch up with the rest of the family soon.

I've eaten well today. I've stuck to my plan, even though this week my plan has been to deal with the munchies - I've allowed myself 2000 calories a day this week because I just can't deal with being drastic right now. Next week's HYC will involve moving down to 1700, I think.

I went out and bought some lunch solutions for next week to try out. Calorie controlled portions. We'll see how I do.

And this is me blogging! That's four days in a row! Three more and I'll call this week a success.

Just squeezing in...

2010-01-28T21:04:00.003-05:00

It's 9pm, not my usual time for blogging but I did promise myself I'd blog every day so here I am.

I've been too busy to wander around aimlessly looking in the cupboards today, so my food intake has been OK.

I'm here, blogging, so that's two.

I walked for about 25 minutes today. It was exercise, but not exactly like I had planned. At least I was exercise I guess.

I've decided I'm definately going to do a larger breakfast thing at least on the days I have school. I've done it the last two days and I've actually eaten better and been less insanely hungry at lunchtime.

I know, not much to report today. Something struck me yesterday though, as I compiled a list of classes I have to take at some point in the future.

Phys Ed is one of them. I'm going to die. Now I know how the kids who hated PE in high school felt. I always liked it then, because although I wasn't the sportiest kid in the world I liked to play games and do exercises, but now it's going to be a completely different proposition. Hopefully it's a lot more theory than practice, but looking at the class description it's very, erm, energetic looking. Guess I'd really better get working on this losing weight and getting fit thing, huh? Yeah, I know. I'm the only person in the world trying to get fit for a fitness class. I suck. If we had a cleaning service I'd be the one obsessively polishing before they showed up every week, too. It's a sickness, I tell you.

Woohoo! Two days in a row!

2010-01-27T10:45:00.002-05:00

Yup - I'm here again, fulfilling the easiest of my weekly goals - boring you all to death on a daily basis.

So today, in order to figure out what Im doing next week and the many weeks afterwards as far as lunch going, I'm eating a heavier breakfast, with a lighter lunch and an afternoon snack. So far I'm loveing this plan, but only because it's 10.50 am and I'm totally full from a huge breakfast. Lets see if I still love it when dinner time rolls around and I'm gnawing on my hair just to stay sane.

So there you go - food is planned (and I stuck to my plan yesterday - yay!) blog is blogged, lunches are being figured, and when I'm done typing this, exercise will be done.

And speaking of exercise, I got my daughter the "Just Dance" game for the Wii this Christmas. Well, she unwrapped it, I plan to play it as much as her. But since I've been playing it, I've realized something - it makes my arms hurt like crazy. If you don't know what the game is, you basically follow the dancer on screen doing all kinds of fabulous 80's dance moves, and they score you by using the controller you're holding in your hand. So of course, all the actions are insanely arm movement heavy. One thing I've learned is that all the walking in the world is doing nothing for my arm stength, which is apparently stuck at "weaker than a kitten" level. Maybe that'll be a goal for next week....

HYC Check in Tuesday!

2010-01-26T13:20:00.003-05:00

And one very important update - as of yesterday (and two seperate trips over to the college because their online registration was down), I am a full time student! I'm so excited! Classes start next monday, so I'll actually be busy and not be sitting at home dwelling on my life (or lack of it).

And now on to the less exciting HYC stuff.

I lost two pounds last week. I'd be excited about that but I know that I totally didn't deserve it. My eating hasn't been in control for a lot of time lately and I just didn't seem to find time for any exercise other than pacing back and forth stressing about stuff. It's time to start over.

So, my aims for the next week?

1) Control my food intake!
2) Get some exercise - anything!
3) Figure out some lunch ideas. The college has a cafeteria with a fairly wide menu, but I'm thinking I've probably spent enough money at the bookstore already that I need to pack lunches. I might even start eating a bigger breakfast (since I have more time in the mornings) and a small lunch and a snack for the ride home.
4) Blog every day. I know I'm boring as hack at the moment, but blogging helps me stay on track. And I promise it'll get more interesting.

OK - four easy things, right?

So today:

I've eaten well. My food is planned, and so far I've stuck to it.
I've walked for 45 minutes.
I've considered the fact that I'm going to need to figure lunch out at least two days a week for the foreseeable future.
I'm here and blogging.
So yay! So far so good. Six more days to go.

Where have I been?

2010-01-21T07:57:00.002-05:00

Well, lets just say it's all rather exciting.

I might (big might) be able to go to college. Just community college for the first two years, but the plan is falling into place and the eventual plan is to transfer to another local university and finally get a degree. I spent yesterday down at my local community college finding out about financial aid (not much, but some) and what other pieces of paper they need to get me the money I'm entitled to. Today I have the harder task - finding the rest of the money I need to pay for classes. I have to move fast because most classes for this semester are already full. I don't need to go through the whole initial registration process since I've already taken a few credit classes there before. I do, however, have to figure out how to declare a major (social work) and figure out how to pay for the large part the government won't shell out for.

Talk about happy and busy! Only problem is, if this plan doesn't work out, then I'm going to be really really disappointed. When I was 18 I had the decision of going home to the UK and going to uni or staying here and getting married. I made the decision to stay here and get married, and although I'm always sure I made the right decision, I've spent twelve years wishing I could have done both. We've never had the finances in place to feel secure enough for me to go to school, and, well, we still don't, but as my husband put it last night, I'm not bringing any money in now, and since I've been looking for a job for over a year and not had any success why don't we work on a future where I might be able to do something meaningful instead of answer phones all day?

So now I'm a woman on a mission. It's actually pretty good for me, since I'll admit I'm intimidated by the whole college (especially college financing) process. It's good for me to step out of my comfort zone, and boy, if this all works out, I'll get the rewards.

Phew! So that's the whirlwind that has been my life since Tuesday. Pretty cool though, huh?

I'm almost scared... HYC Time

2010-01-19T12:11:00.004-05:00

That is, I'm almost scared to post. The last few times I've written a blog post about how I'm doing OK, I've then gone and screwed up within a few hours. I feel like I jinx myself every time I post that things are going well.

I weighed in on Sunday (since I forgot to on Saturday). I'm still where I was before. Standing still wasn't part of this plan, and especially standing still because I haven't worked hard enough to lose anything!

It's been hard to get properly back on track since my parents left. There, I've said it. I've been good at half heartedly getting with the program, but to be brually honest, I'm not going to get anywhere if I continue carrying on like last week. This week so far I've been better, but lets face it, it's only Tuesday.

Yesterday was awesome - since Iz and Chris were off, we decided to go bowling and we all had a blast. I ate great, because I wasn't bored and I was happy. But I'm not always going to be busy and happy. In fact, days where I'm both busy and happy are few and far between. Today, I've been busy, but I've also been stuck at home since Chris accidentally ran off with my car key. There are a few things I need to get but since the stores I need to get to are over 10 miles away I'm doubting that I could walk it and still be in time to get Iz off the bus. On top of that, I seem to have pulled a muscle in my butt. No, I have no idea how I did it either but I can really feel it pulling whenever I go up or down stairs.

So far, this week has been awesome. I hope to report next Tuesday that I've made it a whole week (and a bit) sticking to my plan. Oh, and I'd love to report a loss, too :)

Ho hum...

2010-01-15T10:30:00.003-05:00

It's another day. Another day on the super long journey that is getting rid of all the nasty funk under my skin. It's one of those days where the journey feels insanely long because, well, because I don't have much else to do. Being unemployed sucks.

So what have I done with my day so far? I've reorganised my kitchen, and dinner is in the crock pot. I may as well get myself a big skirt, an apron and some sensible shoes.

I think I've kicked the munchies that have been plagueing me since Christmas. I was able to get away with it while my parents were here, but no more. Yesterday I was perfect. Well, noone's perfect, but I ate really well. I went grocery shopping and managed to get a ton of groceries for not so much money.

So I should cheer up right? I guess that's what I'll work on next.

Back on track... hopefully

2010-01-14T08:55:00.003-05:00

OK so yesterday was a food disaster. I planned out what I'd eat carefully, and then totally disregarded my plan - but yesterday is gone and there nothing I can do about it. I'm back with a new plan this morning, and since I'm feeling better I'm much more likely to stay on track.

Life wise, yesterday was pretty much blah. I got a few things done - things I could do while I stayed home, and then I just sort of flopped on the couch and did nothing. I've got to go out today though,hubby has a viewing to attend tonight and I need to find him some pants that actually fit. Oh, and I need to go grocery shopping. I'm going to try and find some hot options for lunch - I think if I prepare a hot lunch I might have a better time staying on track through the afternoon, especially while it's so cold out. I'm going to check out the Progresso soups - I'm not a huge soup fan but maybe I could work on changing that if I can find a few varieties that look good (and have a low calorie count). It also might help me up my veggie intake, because since my mother left my veggie intake has dropped dramatically again. Thats' a habit I really need to work on.

So that's the plan. Now lets see if I can stick with it.

And then it all fell apart again...

2010-01-13T09:03:00.003-05:00

So last night I went to bed with swollen glands and a sore throat. This morning I woke up with a full blown cold. I think I have the man flu. You know, not really the flu but I could swear I'm about to keel over any minute now. All I want to do is sit on the couch, play around on the internet, and maybe put the TV on later.

You'd think this would make me want to not eat anything, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong. When I'm sick, unless it involves thowing up, I comfort eat like crazy. Luckily the dinner I have planned tonight is really low cal, so I have some leeway today.

The plan today was to get some mega exercise, get some things crossed off my to do list and generally be running around all day. It's not going to happen. I may get as far as curled up on the couch.

I hate when plans get ruined. I hate even more that if I really sucked it up, I could still get some stuff done, but since it's not desperately important it gets done today, I'll end up procrastinating. I'm being pathetic, but I don't see myself getting it together today.

So pathetic it is.

I'm officially back!

2010-01-12T08:04:00.003-05:00

My parents left last night. Yes, there were some tears - it's always difficult for me to realize that I'm probably never going to live in England again.

But you know what? I was planning to have this day as a transition - to ease back into my way of doing things after so many days of doing everything everyone else's way. I don't need it. The first thing I did was to get up and plan out my calories for the day. Now I'm blogging. After Iz leaves for school there will be exercise. I actually like my routine - much more than I thought I did. I really thought it would be hell to start counting my calories again - not that I've eaten excessively, but just because it's a new level of strict that I didn't have for the last month. I'm actually excited about it. I've not even weighed myself - every time I've stepped on the scale it's told me I'm holding steady, so I'll weigh in like usual on Saturday and start updating from there again. I'm actually less bothered about losing weight at the moment - it'll happen if I stick to what I've been doing - no need to obsess about the numbers on the scale. I was planning a day of mourning for my food freedom, and I'm actually more excited about regaining the control.

What's the reason for that last change? There are two. First, I have a lovely new pair of jeans that are size 18 - with no "W" behind it! The W is significant to me. I know it's supposed to stand for "woman" but to me when I pick it up off the shelf it always stands for "wide" as is - "wide load". I know it's not much but it's a start - proof that my body is changing and that I don't have to flip out over every half pound lost.

Second was the discussion I had with my hubby last night. We were talking about how good my breathing has been in the super cold weather we've had lately. That's usually one of my biggest asthma triggers - going from cold air to a heated room or vice versa. This year it hasn't been a problem, and we've been well under freezing temps here for a few weeks now. Usually when the weather gets like this I have a horrible time, but this year I've done everything I've tried to without a problem. I couldn't figure out why, but then my hubby pointed out that the pounds I've lost and the exercise I've been doing have probably been helping my body deal with things that used to be a challenge. It's working - I have proof it's working, now I've just got to trust myself and my body. I'm not very good at that.

I think I was flipping out over every half pound lost because I didn't trust my body to respond appropriately to diet and exercise because of all those half-assed tries before. I've proven that it's responding, so now the scale truly is for once a week. I don't have to have evidence every half hour anymore.

So - trust is my new watch word.

Oh, and the New Years resolution - going surprisingly well. I've yet to have a proper flip-out about anything - and this is from someone who lost her car key last night in a bunch of snow in someone else's yard. My hubby was right - I did flip out about small things way too much. I've just got to trust that I can do the right thing in a sticky situation and that I can adapt when things don't go my way. Again with the trust - apparently it's my word of the new decade....

Another quick check in...

2010-01-04T15:55:00.002-05:00

I promise I haven't given up blogging - it's just going to be hard to find ten minutes to myself until next Monday... the house is crowded and I'm not exactly good at blogging about my innermost feelings when someone's reading over my shoulder.

Still plugging along - my food intake today so far has been much more in line with how I should be eating, so I guess Christmas and New Years really is over.

As far as my one single solitary resolution, so far so good on that today, even though the last few days have been stressful, things that should have sent me into stress orbit are actually not bothering me so much. I even managed to not freak out at not sleeping well last night and having an early start this morning.

More later - I have to get Iz from the bus stop and then continue entertaining!

Happy New Year!

2010-01-01T19:44:00.003-05:00

Usually I'm not one for New Years celebrations, but for some reason this year I'm happy about the idea of a fresh start - more to continue what I started and the hard work I've been doing since September.

I even have a New Years Resolution this year. I'm quite excited about it, because I've never really done that before, either.

It is:

Live in the moment.

Yup, that's it. The whole resolution in three words. To most people it sounds simple, but it's not something I'm good at doing. I'm always too worried about making things more perfect, or worrying about what's supposed to come next. In the past, I've ruined whole weekends over what might happen at work on Monday. I've ruined whole vacations worrying about feeling sad about having to leave. I've ruined birthdays by not enjoying what was going on, but worrying that I'm not making the day perfect enough.

I think that's half of what's made me so fat. I've not enjoyed what I've eaten because I've been more worried about what I'm going to eat next. I know people say half the joy is in anticipation, but for me the bit I have to work on is enjoying what I have. Instead of lying in bed worrying about what I have to do tomorrow or (my favorite) worrying about how tired I'm going to feel the next day because of the sleep I'm losing worrying about how tired I'm going to be, I've been trying to just enjoy the sensation of lying in a warm comfy bed. Instead of worrying about what's going to happen tomorrow, I have to learn to savor what's going on. I really think that if I can crack this, I'll have a lot easier time controlling my eating, as well as the rest of my life.

So that's the resolution.

Oh, and just for kicks I weighed myself to see what the damage is for these last few weeks. There is none. Well, there is none yet - I've given myself until the end of this weekend to do what I want, within reason. I was shocked, but thinking about it I've been moving a lot, and not eating quite as badly as I once would have. Sure I could have probably lost a few extra pounds in the last 10 days, but I didn't do any damage either. So I'm starting the new year with exactly 100 pounds to lose, having lost 23.5 - I wonder what next year's total will be? I'm excited to find out!

11 days?

2009-12-27T21:57:00.003-05:00

Really? Since I last blogged? How time flies when you're having fun. I've been, umm, less diet oriented the last few days, but not making horrible choices either. I wouldn't be surprised if I hadn't put on a few pounds though.

Right now, the plan is this: Next Saturday I'll weigh in. Then I'm back on the wagon big time, and I'll accept whatever weight gain I have and deal with it. Until then, I'm just doing my own thing, having a little of what I enjoy here and there. No weighing, no guilt. I've got the opportunity to enjoy my extended family and the food that we all count as special at this time of year, and I'm going to enjoy it all, in moderation.

I had an awesome Christmas - my daughter had a blast, and I had a blast watching her. Really, that's the funnest part of Christmas for me. I'm not particularly religious (and if I was I'd probably lean more towards pagan than Christian) but I do enjoy a special time of year when I get to see my family and live it up during the darkest days.

So there it is - a quick update. It's hard to get on the computer while there are so many people around, so updates will be a bit sporadic, but I'm reading a ton of other blogs and keeping my goals at least in my sightline.

I've also been able to give some thought to a New Years resolution. I don't usually bother, but this one I think is key. More about that next time I get a few minutes to write.

HYC Update...

2009-12-16T07:33:00.002-05:00

And even this is a day late...

And I'm typing it in stages. Busy has not been the word for the last week, I have not stopped since last Thursday. My paretns are here and I'm doing OK, food wise. I've fallen into a fairly good routine and managed to lose another pound last week. That's pretty good since I usually abandon all pretense of good eating habits when my parents get here and bring all kinds of goodies, so I'm considering that a voctory. The goodies are still in the cupboard, ready to be tasted at Christmas. The hardest thing with this arrangement is remembering that Christmas does not last a month, just because my family is here.

The other good thing I've leanred this week? I've learned that even out of my usual routine, I can still stick to my plan, just a bit more a rough version that previously. Usually I'm someone for whom a routine is essential. This last week I've actually been flexible.

Things to work on this week? Exercise. I need more of it. I'm pretty active at the moment but I could use some formal exercise. Other than that? I'm actually doing well. For a crazy month, that is!

Just a quick post...

2009-12-14T07:10:00.001-05:00

I'm still alive, I've just been running around like crazy. I managed to pull out another loss this week - this time 1lb.

I'll be back with more later, but I didn't want to disappear :)

I'm makin' a list...

2009-12-09T10:05:00.003-05:00

Actually, it's not a nice Christmassy list, it's a list of stuff that has to be done before tomorrow. It should be easy to keep the blahs away today - I have way too much to do to be mopey today. Nothing huge (like years past - when I was working I found it impossible to keep the house clean) but enough finishing touches to have a day of work.

I've already exercised and gone to the store for the last few bits I need. I plan to sit down now and have some breakfast, and then get to work. Yes, it's past 10am and I've yet to eat breakfast. There goes the super organised image I was trying to project.

But the most important thing is that the blahs are gone, at least temporarily. Ask me tonight when I collapse into bed wheter that's going to last...

HYC Weekly round up

2009-12-08T13:21:00.003-05:00

So here I am again - and I'm not sure what's going on. I'm sticking to my plan fine, but for some reason I'm just not feeling it this week. I've been losing weight, but it doesn't totally feel like it yet. Sure, my jeans, which I could barely slide on when I started this, let alone button, are actually starting to look baggy on me, but something in my mind just isn't working as far as this goes.

Does anyone else have this feeling sometimes? I feel like I'm just going through the motions - like I'm some kind of diet fraud or something. The scale continues to move in a vaguely downward motion, but part of me thinks that it's just that the scale is broken, and that my jeans have somehow stretched - that I'm just not really achieving what it seems like I'm achieving.

Maybe I'm just in an off mood these last few days - this weekend I was so thrilled with myself for reaching the 20 lbs lost mark, and the last few days I've been in denial that it's actually happening. That and I'm feeling a ton of stress from other areas of my life right now.

On a plus note, my parents arrive Thursday. It's going to create some diet issues for a month or so, but I'm also going to be able to get a ton of good dinner ideas from my mum, who is an awesome cook and who knows nutrition inside out. Plus, you know, my parents will be here - that makes everything a little better.

So if I can just hold out the next few days, maybe my mood will improve after that.

So there's my big HYC goal for this week - stick to it and hang in there!

Phew!

2009-12-06T13:18:00.004-05:00

I've finally got three minutes to sit down and actually write something. I've had snowy kids in and out of the house all morning - we ended up with nearly 6 inches of snow yesterday so the neighborhood kids are in the front yard exhausitng our snow supply - we've already built a snowman (as you can see above) and had many many snowball fights, and frequent breaks with demands for hot chocolate. My kitchen feels like a cafe.

I was pretty surprised, actually - in the last few years my threshold for staying out in the snow has been measured in minutes. I'd shovel for a few minutes, and then give up for a half hour. Yesterday I shovelled for half hour straight and still had time to help gather snow for the snowman and throw a few snowballs. I've already said that next year ew might attempt a day trip to a local-ish ski resort - I used to love to ski but I'm still a little too round to do it right now.

So now I get some time to chill, watch some football, and have my Sunday "day off". I've noticed something about my days off lately. When I first started this, I would crave a list of stuff and make sure I got it on Sunday. Lately, I've just had a few things. This sunday, I didn't even care if we had pizza or not when it was suggested. There will always be pizza - the world isn't going to run out of pizza anytime soon.

Today really is the calm before the storm too. My parents are flying in from the UK on Thursday to stay with us for a month. I have a ton of cleaning to do, and some planning as far as workouts - I won't be able to use the living room anymore. I'm not so worried about food - my mom actually cooks ten times halthier than I do (my dad controls his diabetes by diet alone), so calories at dinner time won't be a problem. The problem is going to be persuading myself that this isn't a month of treats, and that Christmas isn't going to be a month long. If I can do that, I'm golden.

Let it snow!

2009-12-05T09:10:00.003-05:00

Especially since I really have no place to go this weekend. We're chilling out on the couch this morning watching the snow fall. The Izlet is excited beyond words, but I keep reminding her that it's probably not going to amount to much, even though it's supposed to snow all day.

Not only are we cuddled up in the living room watching the snow, but I weighed in today with a 3lb loss. Where it came from I have no idea, since I didn't do fabulously this week - I only worked out three times, but I'll take it.

This means that I'm just 2 pounds away from meeting my end of year goal. I've been considering another goal, but I don't want to get attached to it. I'd love to get to the end of the year with less than 100 lbs left to lose. Since, as of my weigh in this morning it would only be 4 more pounds, I'm going to aim for it, but not be too upset if I don't make it. It would be a pretty cool way to start the new year though. I've not had less than 100 pounds to lose for at least 2 years now (ugh - how pathetic does that sound?). 4 pounds over the next 3 1/2 weeks is a bit much when you remember that Christmas is right in the middle of that, but it might be some good motivation to stay away from the cookies.

I'm back!

2009-12-03T08:29:00.002-05:00

Back with a vengeance. Apparently all I needed to do was spend a day miserable because I binged. Hopefully next time I start flagging I can skip the feeling lousy and sick part and just re energise.

Yesterday was a perfect food, water and exercise day. I'm going to plan on repeating it today, and I'm actually excited about repeating it today - earlier this week I just was not feeling it, but now I seem to be back in the stride of things.

I really have no desire to repeat Tuesday's suckiness, eating wise. I ate so much junk at lunch that day that I didn't have any calories over for dinner. I ended up eating some cheddar crackers and a handful of shrimp for dinner. It was miserable. But, I have to say, my hubby was right there for me. When he got home from work I confessed what I had done (not too difficult to do since half the leftover pizza in the fridge was missing). He looked at me and asked me why I had felt the need to do that. I cataloged my generally crappy day, and after that he asked me if eating like that at lunch had made me feel better. That was the point I burst into tears (I'm such a wuss) and admitted that it had actually made things worse. He immediately helped me restructure dinner so that he and the Izlet had something to eat and I could pick at something low cal, and reminded me that I couldn't "take the rest of the night off" because I screwed up.

I also have to admit that if he had done that to me in the past I'd have killed him. Or at least cried a lot. But this is what I've asked him to do, and he's being my biggest cheerleader. Even though he weighs 155 on a heavy day. We look like the number 10 when we stand next to each other. When we met I could wear his jeans. He's been with me for 13 years and stuck with me throughout. He's awesome.

So heres to back on track. Oh, and cleaning. I have a ton of laundry to do today, and a guest room to sort out since my parents arrive next Thursday. Eek!

Of course....

2009-12-02T09:59:00.003-05:00

Of course I just can't say "let's pretend I've had the binge and regretted it and move on from there". Apparently, I have to actually go ahead and have the binge, and really regret it.

So I had the binge. I regretted it. And you know what? Today I'm totally back on track. I've already exercised, I've had an awesome breakfast, I've made plans for the rest of the day that make it awesome. Ooooh - too much awesome there, but hey - it is what it is.

And speaking of awesome, last inght I got a new phone. I got a new phone because my hubby's phone finally broke. It had been on the fritz for six months, and he had been putting off making a decision about going to a different network. You see, Verizon has been sneaking new charges onto our account - an upgraded text plan (at double the price) for me, a text plan for hubby (who hates to text), without us actually requesting them. But in our area, Verizon does have the better network - just like the stupid ads.

So yesterday we made the decision, and now we have a new network. One that means I can get a iPhone when I get a new job! But until then, I found an adorable little phone that's a thousand times cuter than my old one, and it was $30!

And the other awesome thing?

Kaitlin, over at Everyday Grace has given me:

Isn't it cute? Thanks, Kaitlin - you're awesome! It's good to have blogger friends!

So the rules are as follows:

The Rules & Regulations are as follows:

Each Superior Scribbler must in turn pass the award on to five most deserving bloggers.Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author and the name of the blog from whom s/he has received the award. I got this award from Kaitlin.

Each Superior Scribbler must display the award on his/her blog, and link to The Scholastic Scribe, which explains the award.Each Superior Scribbler must post these rules on his/her blog.Each blogger who wins The Superior Scribbler Award must visit this post and add his/her name to the Mr Linky List. That way, they'll be able to keep up-to-date on everyone who receives this prestigious honor.

And my fave five? (Apart from Kaitlin of course, since I can't send it back to her)

Lyn, over at Escape from Obesity - She's such an inspiration! A smart woman who has taken charge of her life.

Chibi - who is an awesome, entertaining writer - one of the bloggers who makes my day with a new post (and cheers me on - I love that!)

Chubby Chick - I don't even know your real name but I stumbled on your blog about 6 weeks ago and it's been a huge inspiration. It was one of the first weight loss blogs I found, and it keeps me going.

Little Miss Fatty Pants - how can I not love someone whose favorite word is awesome? Another blog I check daily.

Amy at Operation Lose It - She's so active! Another inspiring blog. She's doing what I need to be doing.

Phew! So there you go. Inspiration all over the place :)

HYC Check in Tuesday...

2009-12-01T09:25:00.004-05:00

Hmmm - I'm really not sure what to write about this week.

I'm eating OK, I'm staying within my calories, I'm still kind of on track. I mean, I'm staying within my calories but I'm not making the best choices. A big handful of M&M's and a slice of pumpkin pie yesterday are not the best choices, even if I have the calories. Especially when I had the M&M's for breakfast.

BUT:

I'm just not feeling it. I'm not get-up-and-go about it like I have been. I'm worried that this is going to turn into an epic slide, and I'm trying to figure out the best way to stop it.

So here goes. I have to recommit. I'm going to just pretend I've already had the horrible binge and move on from here.

At least half an hour of exercise today. Sticking to the plan I've written down today. Every morning I write down a plan for food, counting calories to make a good total. Today I won't swap things out as I go. The plan I write is perfectly good. I should stick with it.

If I can do that day by day for a week, I'll consider that a success.

Arghhhh!

2009-11-30T07:43:00.002-05:00

Yup - that was the sound of me this morning when I stepped on the scale and had a mysterious gain of nearly 3lbs. I feel lousy, I didn't sleep one bit last night and now for some reason I have an extra 3lbs that I didn't have before. I don't think I had that much sodium yesterday, and I definately didn't eat that badly, even though it was my "treat day". In fact, I added up everything I ate (since I still wrote it down) and it came to a little under 2300 calories. Definately not 3 lbs, so hopefully this will disappear as fast as it piled on.

Life this morning sucks. I had to be up at 6, and I have another hour before school starts. After school starts I have to go and do the weeks grocery shop, and then exercise. Luckily being up all night means that most of the housework is done, so then I can take a nap - one of the benefits of being uneployed - actually, the only one. I hate when the Ravens play night games - I get all excited - and it was an awesome game last night, and then I can't get to sleep. In the end, I got up about 2am and got some stuff done - better than just laying there. My poor hubby is at work with a little less than 4 hours of sleep today. Then Brownies tonight, and then bed.

Ugh....

2009-11-29T11:13:00.002-05:00

For some reason I feel totally defeated today - and I don't even really know why. I ate well yesterday, although I did save enough calories for a tiny slice of my neice's birthday cake last night - I had calories to spare and it was yummy.

I think it's because I just haven't been exercising properly the last week or so. I'm planning on starting again tomorrow aggressively - amazingly I'm not having a problem with the food thing, but the movement thing is getting me down. I feel like a slug because I haven't been moving. I think the cold I'm nursing isn't exactly helping the way I feel either.

So today I'm going to have a good time and watch football all day with my family, as is my usual Sunday treat. Tomorrow I've got a complete day planned out, starting out at 6am.

So here's to tomorrow!

Weigh in day!

2009-11-28T10:07:00.003-05:00

And I'm down another pound - with no idea how I managed it. As I said yesterday, my eating was in line, but my exercise was way off. Maybe next week I can make it even better, if I get up off my butt and get back to doing proper exercise. I can now go look at the discount turkeys in the grocery store and pick out a turkey that weighs what I've lost, and see if I can cram it into my freezer. We always do a traditional English christmas dinner while my parents are over, so that will do to feed us next month.

Good news today though - at 1pm I'll be officially done standing around boxes of Girl Scout cookies for the year. The temptation will be over - and I've budgetted two thin mints into my day to celebrate. Actually, I'm really pleased with how the Izlet has done her first ever year selling girl scout cookies. She's ususally painfully shy, and she really stepped up and became outgoing when she decided that she wanted to sell lots of cookies for her troop - I guess the lure of cool activites outweighs the shy. It's nice to see that she can do it.

I survived!

2009-11-27T10:59:00.002-05:00

Both Thanksgiving dinner (in fact, I was so full I didn't even have the dessert I had carefully planned for!) and Wal Mart!

Actually, Wal Mart, even though it was packed, was a breeze. Everyone was in a good mood, and patient and calm, and all those poor people who worked there and had to stay there all night were pleasant and friendly. I got everything I needed - in fact, apart from something for my mother-in-law I've finished all my Christmas shopping. Definitely worth it.

So now I go to bed for a few hours, and then go sell cookies for a few hours with the Izlet tonight. We'll be done with that tomorrow, thank goodness. Did all my activities revolve around food this much before I started counting my calories? I've been really good though - I've only had 6 girl scout cookies this whole time - which since I had over 150 boxes in my living room at one point is pretty good.

I'm not sure whether I'm going to see a loss this week or not. I've been really good with the food, not so good with the exercise, and, well, not to put too fine a point on it, it's not exactly the week to expect a loss, but we'll see what happens tomorrow.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

2009-11-26T13:21:00.002-05:00

So here's the first test! And so far I'm doing well - I'm having a super low cal day to save up for the evening meal at my in-law's house. I've made a list and plan on sticking to it for dinner, including the mac and cheese - it's a staple at my mother in law's dinners because it's so yummy, and I should be able to squeeze in a small piece of pumpkin pie and stay under 1600 calories for the day.

So that's the plan - I'll let you know tomorrow how it went, after I get back form the emergency room (hopefully just kidding). I'm going to Wal Mart for Black Friday for the very first time tomorrow, and I should be able to finish my Christmas shopping there and stay within budget if I'm lucky. I'm a little bit nervous though - I hear it can be a bit of a mad house, and being up at 3am really doesn't sound fabulous.

But I'm thankful this season. I'm thankful that we're still, by the skin of our teeth, in OK financial shape after the bashing that was the past year. Losing my job and then hubby being hit by a car was a major stress, but we're still here, and still fighting. I'm thankful for a daughter who has understood "we can't afford that" for the past year and hasn't complained once. I'm thankful that we still have a roof over our head, and I'm thankful that the financial stress hasn't seemed to put stress on our marriage, in fact, apart from the occasional heated exchange, we're probably closer than we were before.

So, it's been a tough year, but it hasn't been a bad year. There's a difference, and I'm thankful for that.

A quickie this morning...

2009-11-25T07:26:00.002-05:00

Since I'm off to the zoo with the Izlet today - I figure that way I'll definately get some walking in. I feel bad because the weather's been crappy and we've been cooped up at home with nowhere to go (except a fun outing to get a flu shot - poor kid).

Last night I found a coupon in her school fund raiser book for a free entry to the zoo with an adult. I looked up the cost for an adult and found that they do reduced entry on weekdays - so much so that it's actually cheaper than going anywhere else in Baltimore and just paying for parking, and much less stress than heading anywhere in DC - my hubby reminded me last night that since it's a travel day I probably don't want to go near the Washington Beltway, or I-95. So we're headed there - with a plan, I might add. I'm packing us both a healthy lunch - that way we don't have to pay $10 for a plate of chicken fingers that I'd have to spend a massive amount of calories eating anyway.

So that's the plan. A walk, some animals and a picnic lunch.

HYC Check in Tuesday!

2009-11-24T09:02:00.003-05:00

Today, I am much less stressed than I was yesterday. I'm really enjoying the HYC because it gives me a spot to sit back mid week and be proud of how far I've come, and plan for the future.

So - the good things:

- Losing 3.5lbs this week! I'm still amazed that it happened, but I'm also glad, because I know that I did deserve to lose some weight, and it happened. This whole thing where my body actually cooperates is new to me.

- I've been really good about my calorie counting - even those few times where I did find myself mindlessly shoving something into my mouth ("how did that cracker get there?") I've written it down and counted it.

- I've managed to do this for 8 weeks now! In a row, with no screwing up! OK, I'm not exactly following the strictest set of rules (calorie budget and exercise) but hey - it's working so far!

And now for the things I still have to work on:

- Exercise. I got next to no exercise this weekend and didn't actually do any yesterday. Actually I didn't get to do any yesterday because I heard about a free H1N1 Shot clinic for the Izlet, and that sort of took precedence over everything else. We got there, and she got the first of her two shots - yay! Every other clinic in our county had been cancelled until yesterday. But no excuses for the exercise today.

- As ever - eat more veggies! Why can't I just do this?

- I've got to learn to control my emotions without food. Even though I didn't use food to help me feel better on Sunday, I really need to learn to control the emotions.

So anyway - that's my week. Here's hoping everyone has an awesome thanksgiving, whether that means having an ultra lean meal or a wonderful time with their family and friends. Or, you know, both.

A whole new week

2009-11-23T10:33:00.002-05:00

Back to the grind - actually no grind, just job hunting with an 8 year old hanging out with me all week - it's Thanksgiving vacation week so no school for the Izlet.

So food wise, my weekend was pretty much OK. Exercise wise, not so much. I didn't do anything. I'm going to psych myself up in a minute and go walk on my treadmill so at least I've done something today.

Right now I'm listening to some music to try and get the blahs to go away. Yesterday I had what can only be described as a complete meltdown, and I'm not exactly proud of myself. At least I didn't eat to make it go away, but I'm not entirely sure that 2 hours of hysterical tears is really any better. Today I'm just concentrating on getting a grip.

Trying to figure out where to take the Izlet when I get the car one day this week. My hubby has organized so that hopefully he can carpool with the guy who usually carpools with him so that I can have the car that works - I'm thinking about a Smithsonian trip and a trip on the Metro - we live so far out in the sticks that a trip on public transport is an organised treat - isn't that terrible?

I'm so proud of myself!

2009-11-22T09:56:00.004-05:00

I stuck to my plan last night, had an awesome, splurgy meal, and still kept to under 1750 calories for the day - more than I'm usually eating, but still under my max - yay!

Last night something else happened. Actually, two things. My wonderful sister in law, who is an absolute angel, told me that my face looked thinner, and my hasband told me that he's never seen me so comitted and, well, OK with the whole weight/ weight loss thing.

So all in all a happy night. And since I went grocrey shopping for the whole week yesterday, I've got meals planned for the whole week too. That means I'm in control, and I think the key to this is keeping a tight rein on myself, until I can be trusted (which who knows, may be never). I'm finding as long as I plan appropriately, I'm actually doing OK.

So here's to another week of doing OK!

I love when I'm wrong...

2009-11-21T09:53:00.003-05:00

Yup - that's right! I actually lost 3.5 pounds last week. I'm now 16.5 pounds down from my starting weight, and I'm thrilled! I guess my body did finally give up those pounds this week that I felt I should have lost last week.

And in honor of my really awesome week, I'm going to announce my super-secret end of year goal. *Drum Roll* - I want to get to the 260's by the end of December. That's 6 lbs over the next nearly 6 weeks, so it's definitely something to aim for, but not too much.

In other news, I have a date with my husband tonight. He wants to go to Chili's, and since it's always been one of my favorite chain restaurants (and they have a super cheap menu deal going), I said yes. And then I looked up the nutrition info on their site. Did you know my favorite entree (honey chipotle chicken crispers) is nearly 2000 calories? That's not counting the southwestern egg rolls for an appetizer and any sticky, sugary mixed drinks - no wonder I'm huge! I've decided to go for a compromise tonight. I can't stand "diet" entrees in restaurants and we eat out so rarely anymore that I'm going to have another entree that I still love, but that's only about 1200 calories. No alcohol and only a bite of appetizer (with no dressing!) and I should get away pretty much bruised but OK. I'm actually amazed that I looked up the nutrition information, and that I've chosen a compromise rather than deciding that I'll just go for it and live with the consequences. Is this me actually changing? If so, I love it.

Planning time

2009-11-20T08:00:00.003-05:00

I always feel better going into challenging situations with a plan, so it's about time I started thinking about a holiday eating plan.

Not so much for Thanksgiving, because I've never really been a fan. I'm a fan of the being thankful part, and definitely of the watching football all day part ( which I never really get to do because I'm expected to sit and look at sale ads with all the other women at my in-laws house), but it just seems so wrong eating a turkey dinner in November. I'm English, I never grew up with Thanksgiving and although I love the idea of having a day to count my blessings, I don't have that innate need to count my blessings with food. So I'll actually be able to stick to my calories Thanksgiving no problem.

Christmas is a whole other story though. I'd have to say that in the UK even more so than in the US, Christmas is celebrated with the over consumption of really good food. I remember from my childhood people putting money away every week from their paycheck to pay for the extra nice food they would eat over Christmas. My parents will be coming over and staying with us for a month this year, which I'm excited as anything about, but it also means I'm going to have to be pretty careful. For most of the month it shouldn't be too hard to stick to my plan, since my mum cooks healthier dinners than I do - in fact, it'll be a month of learning to cook much better for you food. My dad is diabetic and controls it with diet alone, so dinners that we all eat together should be no problem whatsoever.

My issues will be eating out (which we do rarely anymore because of the money situation but we'll be expected to at least a few times over the holidays) and Christmas week its self. I think I'm going to allow myself Christmas day and boxing day "off" and do the same with New Year's Eve. Every other day I'll stick to my calories. If I can maintain what I've lost over Christmas and New Year, I'll be happy. If I happen to lose any, I'll be ecstatic.

And what am I thankful for today? I've decided that today I'm going to focus on being thankful for my body. I can't hate my body because I've ruined it over the last few years. That's not my body's fault. In fact, my body has stood up pretty well to the abuse, and I'm grateful for that. I could have many more health problems than I currently have. If I'm going to move forward on this journey, I'm going to have to start loving it - and taking better care of it.

The internet is my friend.

2009-11-19T08:18:00.003-05:00

I've just been sitting here, trying to wake up and reminding my daughter she needs to wear socks and shoes to school (she forgets every single day - the child would live barefoot if she could), and thinking. The internet has payed a huge part in my weight loss efforts so far.

Let's put this politely - I'm broke. I have no job, I've been looking for one for over a year now, I have very few marketable skills (and no qualifications), and quite frankly, things on the money side suck right now. Especially since my husband has just been out of work for two months - he was hit by a car while crossing the street. He's back now, but we're still getting into the swing of things, and even though all those medical bills are being forwarded straight to our lawyer, I still worry when I see them.

The first time I (really) tried to lose weight I did weight watchers - mainly online because the leader at my local meetings seemed to have lost weight and gained bitchiness. I disliked how she was so rude to everyone - she reminded me of the "fat fighters" skit from Little Britain. Maybe I'll embed it if I can find it and figure out how. So anyway, I used WW online, which was an awesome resource.

This time, there is really no way I can pay for something to help me lose weight. If I don't own it already, I'm not buying it right now, and maybe that's a good way to do things anyway, seeing as I now have all the information I need just a google search away. I keep my food diary on paper, just because I prefer to, but if I so chose, I could use Sparkpeople for that. I can look up recipes that suit both my waistline and what I have on hand.

I can also use the internet for the mental part of my journey. I can put my thoughts out there and record my journey, and recieve awesome feedback from people who are reading. But more importantly there are a million weight loss blogs out there, and I believe that every single one can help me on my journey in one way or another - it's a resource I'm so grateful for. I'm not alone, even if I can't sit in a meeting room. That's the part I love. I love that I'm not alone, I'm connected to a million other people through blogs, people who I wouldn't even know if I passed them in the street, but people who are showing me the way and walking with me in my struggles. I wouldn't change that for the world.

So I guess this is the first of my series of "I'm thankful for" posts in the run up to thanksgiving. If you're reading this, I'm grateful to you. If you write a blog, I'm doubly grateful to you. Thanks for being awesome!

A quick entry...

2009-11-18T07:53:00.003-05:00

I have some unexpected neighbor kids over this morning, so I'll have to make this quick.

Yesterday, I went to a Chinese buffet. Yeah - I know - not the sort of place you generally go when you're trying to lose weight. Unfortunately I didn't have much choice - I meet up with some ex-colleagues for lunch every month or so and this was their choice. I could miss the food and my friends, or go and hold myself accountable. Before I went, I found out the calorie content of all my favorite foods - gotta love the internet - and made a rough plan that would use most of my calories for the day but not all of them. I ate according to that plan, and then just had a really really light dinner last night.

And guess what? I'm down 2 lbs this morning! My body is strange. I should be holding onto all kinds of water because of the Chinese food I had yesterday, and yet I actually weigh less. I give up - my body is a puzzle I'll never solve. Perhaps I should just keep at it and not analyze things too much. Here's hoping it lasts until the weekend, although it should, since all my food between now and then is nice and plannable.

HYC Weekly round up

2009-11-17T08:20:00.003-05:00

Well, this week I'm quite proud of myself on several counts:

I've stuck to my plan, even when faced with three hours in a bakery. A really really wonderful bakery.

I've stuck to my plan even when I've been down and discouraged. For me this is probably the hardest one. I was actually quite emotional all last week (and I still have no idea why) but I didn't self-medicate with food.

I got in more exercise than I had in any week prior to this. Again, quite an achievement, since I sometimes find it hard to get up and moving.

I'm feeling like I've got some of my eating issues under at least temporary control.

Of course, as always, there are things I need to work on:

More veggies! I think this one is going to be on my list forever, although I'm getting better, it's still a very slow process.

Even more exercise! Really, it's not going to kill me.

I need to come up with an effective plan for Christmas, when my parents will be staying with me for a month.

Find some real "me" time. It's tough when there really isn't a spare cent to spend, but I'm sure I can figure something out.

All in all, last week was a successful week, even if it didn't actually feel like it, or reflect on the scale. One more week along a long road, but I'm on that road, and that feels good.

Note to self.

2009-11-16T07:56:00.002-05:00

Three cans of diet coke and a cup of coffee when you haven't had caffeine in 5 weeks will keep you up until 2am. Of course, it will also be the day before you're watching the kids from down the street and you have to be up at 6.15.

My plan today didn't include sleep, but I'm exhausted. If I'm still exhausted after I get the kids off to school (another hour yet) and then exercise and go grocery shopping, I'm giving myself permission to go back to bed until school bus time, but the other stuff absolutely has to be done first.

I actually tracked my calories yesterday evening, just to see what my "super high" day was. I then figured out my Weight Watchers points, just for kicks, to see how my day is measuring up to when I was doing WW. Yesterday I ate the equivalent of my daily points plus half the flex allowance - much better than I thought since I actually ate more yesterday than I have on Sundays past. I figured that on a usual day I'm eating slightly less then what would be my points allowance on WW, so it actually adds up to the same thing, except I'm not doing that thing at the end of the day where I run around looking for things to "make up" points like I did when I was on WW. That was definately something that wasn't good for me - I found myself eating less and less at meals just so that I could justify eating stuff that quite frankly, triggered binges. You can guess how well that worked. WW was great until I lost control and justified things that I really shouldn't have justified. It definately works, it's just not for me this time (besides being unemployed and totally unable to afford it).

Oh, and after Saturday's scale woes, I weighed myself this morning after yesterday's couch potato fest and I'm actually down another pound. Go figure. Hopefully it stays away until next Saturday, and if it could take some of it's buddies with it, that would be good to.

I came sooo close...

2009-11-15T10:01:00.002-05:00

...to screwing up yesterday, just because I was down about varous things, but I'm really glad to say that I didn't. In fact, I ended the night by spending three hours in a local bakery/coffee shop and didn't even want anything, even though I had allotted myself the calories to have something small.

Which made me think a little bit. What, to me, is screwing up? I'd have to say binging - eating without control because the food is there, or in some cases, even when it's not there - I have been known to take a trip to the store intentionally to come home and sit and stuff my face. That's one thing that's really a big deal to me, because that's where I've always lost control before.

So yesterday when I was stomping around the kitchen, just looking at everything that was there, I took a deep breath and regained some control. In fact, I mentally shook myself - the point of eating too much because I didn't lose as much weight as I felt I should have and because I was in a terrible mood already began to seem absolutely absurd to me. What kind of idiot am I if I eat more because I didn't lose weight? What kind of insane logic is that?

So I wrote down my plan for the day, and I stuck to it, and even got some unplanned exercise in, and this morning I'm really glad I did, because now it's Sunday and because I've stuck to my plan all week, I get to have a bagel and cream cheese with a huge mug of coffee for breakfast, and I plan to do something yummy with the goat's cheese I've been saving for lunch. But mostly I'm glad I stuck to it because it means I know I can. And the next time I feel the need to lose control, I'll know I got through it once before, and maybe, just maybe it'll be easier.

I need to hire someone...

2009-11-14T10:19:00.002-05:00

To follow me around telling me that half a pound loss is much better then nothing, and absolutely fantastic compared to a gain.

I'm disappointed. I know I shouldn't be, but I'm disapointed because I had the best week so far food and exercise wise, but the worst week loss wise. I'm an instant gratification kinda gal (as should be obivious from my weight) and not seeing results immediately really gets me down. Especially knowing that in the whole history of dieting, my body has never done the cute-fake you-out-thing where you don't lose one week and lose a ton the next.

Oh well, it's done and it's time to move on - next week is a whole new week.

Not much to report....

2009-11-13T11:04:00.002-05:00

But I swore I'd blog every day - bear with me - this is going to be a boring one.

My biggest challenge of the day is trying to figure out how I'm going to eat today. Tonight we have my daughter's elementary school bongo fundraiser. We go every year because it's tons of fun, and always fun to spend a cheap night with friends, but my problem is that it starts at 6.15 pm, and as far as food goes, they have pizza, sandwiches from Chick-Fil-a and a bake sale.

Ordinarily I'd just plan to have a slice of pizza and count the caories and move on, except I know myself. I can't do that. I'd be scarfing down half of my daughter's pizza and then looking for the bake sale by 7. I think this year what I'm going to do is make myself an early dinner so that I show up at this thing full and happy. I'm going to factor in enough leeway for me to have enough calories left for a snack after we get home, if I feel I need it. We'll see how that goes.

Other than that, I'm retaining water like crazy today. I drank a ton of water yesterday but (TMI) I barely went to the bathroom for some reason. This morning the scale confirmed what I thought - I'm carrying at least two extra pounds of water around. I'm frustrated because I've eaten really well all week, exercised more than usual and I'm sitting at a higher weight. I know sore muscles can retain water but I don't really think that I'm that sore. It's not "that time of the month" so who knows. I'm just hoping that the water comes off before tomorrow's official weigh in. I really don't want to post a gain, especially when I don't deserve it.

Yesterday...

2009-11-12T08:18:00.002-05:00

I know - really inspiring blog title for the day, huh? But yesterday was a bit of a turning point for me, so I'm leaving the title as that.

So when left you yesterday, I was getting ready to work out and then go on a walking field trip with my daughter. Well, I got ten minutes into my workout and the phone rang. Apparently kids can't walk around outside in the rain anymore in case they all melt or something (in spite of the rainwear we were told to send them to school in), so the field trip was cancelled. I finished my workout, and then sat down at the computer.

After about half an hour, I realized that I was bored. I was sitting at the computer, screwing around with half an eye on the TV (one of my worst habits - I can't just sit down and watch TV, I have to be doing something else too) and I got a little bit down that I wasn't going to be going out today like I had planned.

I ahd some laundry to do, so I wandered downstairs to get that done. As I walked past my long abandoned (and slightly despised) treadmill I had an idea. I threw the laundry into the washer and wheeled the treadmill back into it's former spot in front of the TV down there. I plugged it in and started walking. I figured this would be easier since I didn't have to do a whole half hour - I had already worked out, so this was bonus. I sailed through 35 minutes. I jumped off the treadmill, and as I was putting it away (my daughter uses the space to practice gymnastics and bounce around, so I can't leave it out anymore) I saw my exercise ball. My sad, deflated exercise ball.

I rummaged around in the storage area of our basement for a pump. Any kind of pump. In the end the only pump I could find was one of those roadside air compressor things you use when you've got a flat tire. You know, the one that you plug into the cigarette lighter, ensuring that by the time you're done you have both a flat tire and a flat battery. So I took that outside to the car, and sat in the car to inflate the exercise ball. Yes, I felt a little silly (why is it that my neighbors only ever wave hi when I'm doing something strange?) but I ended up with an inflated exercise ball, which I then took upstrairs and bounced around on for a while. I even (gasp) did some exercises on it.

So yesterday ended up being filled with positive action, even though I didn't exactly feel positive at the time.

On that note, a fellow blogger wrote a post that realy touched me yesterday - and was exactly what I was talking about yesterday, but in a much more together and cohesive way. In fact, it sort of made me cry a little. In a good way, of course. In an "I'm really glad I'm not alone" sort of way. Anyway, it's here. While you're there, check the whole blog out - it's awesome.

Another day, another issue...

2009-11-11T08:07:00.002-05:00

I got the message for sure last night that 90% or this losing weight thing is in my head.

At some point yesterday afternoon I began to get really depressed about doing this. Was it because I went over on calories? No. Was it because I didn't exercise? No. Water? Got enough of that. I was totally and completely sticking to my plan yesterday when the big monster jumped into my living room and whispered in my ear.

Wanna know what he whispered? He said "you can't do it". That's it. Four little words that occurred to me at about 3pm yesterday and made me mopey and miserable all night, and if I'm being totally honest, I'm still a bit mopey this morning, even though the little monster sisn't make me eat more.

I've done nothing to deserve this feeling of failure, so why am I getting it? What kind of sick brain do I have that tells me I'm failing when I'm doing perfectly fine? Although I will admit, past evidence is all on the side of the sick brain.

So this morning I got up determined not to listen to the negative self talk. I'm going to exercise, and then chaperone my daughter's school on a walking field trip to the local grocery store (because she's obviously never been there before). I was going to skip exercising because there'll be enough exercise doing the field trip, but I figure I can do both and be extra good. I've planned my food for the day, and the little bad thought monster can just bite me!

Back on Track

2009-11-10T08:11:00.004-05:00

Feeling much better this morning - in fact, I'm sitting here writing this so that the second Iz leaves for school in half an hour I can get straight to working out.

I ended up eating a few things last night once my stomach settled, but my calories were still waaaay low yesterday. Like, I think I managed 450 calories for the entire day, and now I'm worried that it's going to throw my metabolism off and screw up all my hard work for this week. But as my husband said last night, you can't help being sick, and even if I do end up with a stuck scale this week, it'll come off eventually if you just keep at it. Sometime's he's so sensible it makes me sick.

So the plan today is to work out, and figure out how many calories are in the meal my daughter requested for dinner - quiche, italian bread and salad. I make a pretty lean quiche and I hate salad dressing, so actually it shouldn't be too bad. Oh, and get some laundry done, since I totally slacked off yesterday and didn't get anything done.

HYC Weekly round up

2009-11-09T20:10:00.002-05:00

I've decided to use the HYC over at Scale Junkie to gather my thoughts on the week that's just passed.

Good things:

I've stuck with this for 6 weeks now! Which considering my usual amount of willpower is pretty much a miracle.

I'm still actually losing weight - again a miracle. I'm used to stalling out and then getting upset and giving up.

I'm managing my calorie intake OK.

I'm doing exercise! thanks to the Wii fit that lets me start slow (and step while I watch TV) I've been getting movement into my life. I know I'm not running marathons yet, but hey, baby steps.

Things I need to work on:

Quality of food. I'm staying within my calorie limits, but it could be a bit more veggie filled. Just sayin'.

Staying positive. I need to work on not second guessing every choice I make, I need to trust myself a bit more.

There's always room for more exercise!

I've got to stop weighing myself seventeen thousand times a day. It's like I don't trust that I'm really losing weight, so I have to keep proving it to myself. I've got to stop it! I'm challenging myself to twice a day from now on. If I can manage that all week, then next week I put the scale away for the week and only look on Saturday.

How many calories do you burn...

2009-11-09T07:36:00.002-05:00

While laying on the sofa groaning?

I've got whatever my lovely daughter had on Saturday. It involves feeling like I have to throw up even though I haven't eaten anything and can't go beyond a sip of water every half hour or so. Yuck.

I had such great plans for today, too. I went to bed last night all inspired to add some stuff to my workout and with a great eating plan. Until about midnight when even thinking the words "eating plan" caused my stomach to turn over, that is.

Oh well, if it's what Iz had, it's a 24 hour thing. I should be fine by tomorrow.

It's Sunday!

2009-11-08T09:38:00.004-05:00

I'll let you into a little secret of mine. I take Sundays off.

Well, not really off, but Sunday is the day I allow myself more calories and don't even intend to do the slightest bit of exercise - especially during football season. I find that if I really start wanting something unreasonable during the week, I tell myself I can wait until Sunday. Nine times out of ten, I forget that I ever wanted it. If, by Sunday I'm still desperate for it, I go ahead and have some. In a planned way. Like today I'm having pancakes for breakfast, because I've been desperate for them all week. Last week I had a croissant from the local bakery, because I swear they're the most awesome food ever invented.

I figure that I can't tell myself no to stuff like that for the two years (at least) that I'm going to be doing this. I can't make it a "bad" thing, but I can wait and see if it's something I just want right that very minute, or it's something I can wait for - and really really savor once I get, and that's what Sundays are for. No bingeing, all planned, but just a little bit of planned decadence. And football, because I really can't live without holding the couch down all afternoon and yelling for my Ravens.

Woohoo! and, well, not so woohoo

2009-11-07T09:34:00.004-05:00

I managed to pull out a last minute 1 lb loss to take me into the 270's! I'm pretty pleased with that, since as I said yesterday, I peeked at the scale and I thought I wasn't going to go down at all last week.

Not so woohoo: My daughter has been throwing up all night. she was fine selling cookies, but about an hour after she got home, she got sick. Now I have to figure out what to do today - there's no way she's going anywhere this weekend.

I've been working on my NaNoWriMo project, and I'm up over 12k words, and I've run out of steam. I'm going to put in some serious time this weekend to try and get it back on track. Right now I'm just writing as I go along, and it's well, not very interesting.

So - stuff to work on this next week:

Drink plenty of water
Exercise at least 4 times
Stick with the eating plan
Write!

I think I can manage that. If I do, I'll make the list longer next week. I hope I can manage that!

A nowhere week - or why I should stop peeking.

2009-11-06T08:18:00.002-05:00

I have to report that I peeked at the scale this morning and in it's infinite wisdom it told me that I hadn't lost anything. Stupid scale. Well, my official weigh in day isn't until tomorrow, so perhaps it'll give me a little bit of love tomorrow.

I also have to report that I tried on my jeans last night. They were pretty tight, but they fit enough that I could throw on some cute boots and a large sweater and take the Izlet to her gymnastics class in them. Good thing too because it was totally freezing last night.

I'm going to have to suck it up and wear them again tonight, too. I'm spending four hours outside a KFC selling Girl Scout cookies with the Izlet. Exactly what I want to do with my friday night - hang out at a fast food restaurant selling sugar. At least all the boxes she sold door to door are out of the house now. For a while there my living room looked like a bakery warehouse.

I also have to report that we've had girl scout cookies in the house for two weeks now and I have eaten *drum roll* a grand total of six! Six cookies, that is, not six boxes. The Izlet and my husband are helping me out in this endeavor by eating them all for me, you see. They're so good to me.

Counting my blessings.

2009-11-05T08:25:00.003-05:00

Last night, I was totally bemoaning the fact that everyone else, when they first go on a diet, loses a ton of weight in the first week. Of all the diets I've tried, I've never ever had that happen to me. I've always wanted that huge rush of a really big loss on scale day.

And then I started reading around some weight loss blogs. I realised that I'm not exactly unique, and not only that, seeing as I've lost 11 lbs steadily over the last 5 weeks I'm actually not in a bad situation at all. Especially since I haven't been feeling very deprived. In fact, that's the reason I've been weighing myself every single day. Yes, and I'll admit it, sometimes more than once a day. Too much of this and I'm going to have to revoke my scale priveleges. It's just that I can't believe I'm actually losing weight. I haven't lost enough yet for it to be noticable, but every time I step on the scale I get the reminder that I've actually made something happen. Only a very small something, but something nonetheless.

Another blessing? My husband is 100% behind me. In fact, he's my biggest cheerleader at the moment. He's the one that talks things through with me when I'm wanting to eat everything in the world. He's the one who calmly reminds me that I just can't have everything I want, and that if I eat too much during the day I'll end up with a really sucky dinner. He's the one who reminds me that if I work hard at it, the weight will come off, but that noone ever said it was going to be easy. I think that's the biggest change - in the past, he didn't want to hurt my feelings so he sort of pretended it was none of his business. This time I've made sure to tell him that I need his support, and he's actually giving it!

Oh, and an admission. I'm still wearing capris, even when it was 40 degrees outside last night (I must look really interesting with capris and a huge coat on) Wanna know why? I'm pretty sure I don't fit into last winters jeans. I've yet to get the courage up to find out how much more I have to lose to fit into them. I guess that's my goal for today - go and at least try them on. I don't know exactly how they're going to fit but I do know that I was mighty glad when summer arrived last year and I didn't have to wear them anymore.

Healthy You Challenge

2009-11-04T22:35:00.002-05:00

So I've lost 11 pounds, and I've found a really cool challenge over at Scalejunkie.com - boy do I love that name - since lately I've been quite a bit of a scale junkie myself.

Wow - a shiny new blog!

2009-11-04T08:34:00.001-05:00

Well, it's not completely shiny. I mean, I just deleted about four entries I made a year ago when I totally screwed my thoughts on eating even more and tried to live up to something I just couldn't do - not for a day, and especially not for a lifetime.

So I guess this is where I introduce myself. My name is Anna, and I've currently lost 11 lbs. Great, right? Yeah, except I need to lose another 112 lbs.

I wasn't always like this. I was never skinny, but until I got married when I was 19 and moved to the USA, I wasn't fat either. I was fine with my body - I had about five or ten pounds to lose, but I never let it bother me, and in general my weight was fine. I wore a size 10 - not skinny, but definately not huge either, and I was happy that way.

And then, as I said, I shook up my life. I got married, moved to the USA on a permanent basis, and became deeply unhappy. Not with my marriage, I love my husband and he's stuck with me through twelve years of getting fatter and fatter. But first the frustration of no green card - therefore no work, and the years of stress that not being able to contribute to the household income brought, and then a move and a pregnancy later I was 75 lbs overweight.

What happened after that? I'm not sure, but I'm pretty sure that my reasons for eating included "well I'm fat already, what's another cheeseburger going to hurt?" and "I'll start on Monday and work really hard and then it's like I didn't eat this pizza at all". Add to that a tendency to binge when I'm homesick, and that's another 40lbs. To take me to 291 lbs, and a size 22 pair of jeans.

Of course, there have been interludes of sanity. A few years ago I joined weight watchers at 273 lbs, and worked my way down to 237. In fact, I quit the meetings after two weeks because the leader was horrible (I didn't think you were supposed to laugh at people you were trying to help) and did all the work on the online part of the program. And then I gave up. Which is where the 291 lb starting weight came in - appparently I gave up in a much bigger way than I thought.

So what's different now? Well, for starters I have a husband that's 100% behind me. In the past he's felt guilty about me being on a diet and let me fall through the cracks. He knows I'm happiest when I'm scoffing down pizza, and he's wanted me to be happy. Well, six weeks ago I sat him down and told him what's really going to make me (and therefore both of us, since everyone knows the golden rule) happy, is losing this weight.

So that brings me to 11 pounds gone. I'm sitting at 280 right now - higher than my last start opint when I tried to lose weight but much more happy and confident. I've been limiting my caloric intake, drinking plenty of water (I've cut caffeine out of my life except for special occasions) and getting some excercise, which is pretty tough for a fat asthmatic girl like me.

There's nothing more embarrassing than being the fat girl huffing and puffing walking up the hill unless it's being the fat girl walking up the hill whose huffing and puffing turms into a full blown asthman attack. That's mortifying. So right now, I'm sticking to the indoor activity. Especially since it's cold out in Maryland right now. I've been using the "free step" function on the Wii Fit, and when I get up the nerve, I'm going to dig out some old exercise videos.

But it's not going to be enough to take me another 112 lbs. I've been reading some awesome blogs over the past few days, and I've been inspired to keep myself accountable by creating my own. I know there's a million of 'em out there, but this one's mine.